I am considering looking for another church or "church shopping". I've been going to the same church since '99, and to be honest, I don't feel very much apart of anything. I have my nursery, that I'm the director of. It's definitely where God has led me to minister, but that in and of itself is not enough.
I know people, and a lot of people know me. But, no one really KNOWS me, and I don't really KNOW any of them. Partly this could be my fault. I'm not extremely outgoing. People have offered for me to call and come over whenever, but I never call, just don't feel comforable doing so. It's nothing against anyone, it's just, I don't feel comfortable inviting myself to someone's house. I'd invite people to my house, but it's crowded already w/just my own. I have my 2 Bible studies which I very much enjoy going to, and actually hope to continue going to, but still don't have any deep connections.
Not to mention that my church really doesn't offer anything for me. They don't have progrems to help out struggling families. They really don't have any programs for people my age. There's no one to seek guidance or instruction or support from. My pastor's wife knows what's going on in my life, but I've never heard anything from them. Not that it would matter, bc I know my pastor's stance on everything that is going on in my life right now.
I feel lost, sadly, in a fairly small church. I wasn't for the church's new building. I haven't been happy w/a lot of the decisions my church has been making, but no one wants to go against what everyone else thinks is the thing to do. Let me just state though, that I was 1 of 2 votes. I think. against building the church...I did stand up for my beliefs.
Anyways, it's not an easy decision to make, and it's not one I'll do lightly. But, I do think it's something I need to explore. I will hate leaving my comfort zone. I will hate leaving all my babies, my family, and Lana. If my Bible studies don't let me stay, I will miss them! But, I really do feel this is something I have to do.
6.03.2007
5.30.2007
A Week from Today
Shaun will start moving out into his apartment. Yes, we are separating. If you're out of the loop, the long and short of it is, we had problems, lots of them and instead of turning to me, Shaun turned to another person. So, for me, that put it over the edge. We have tried getting help, but nothing seems to be working. I had asked for the separation originally, but Shaun was never for it. This time, it was Shaun's idea. I agreed w/him that it was probably for the best, so this is where we are at.
Things have actually been going rather well. We've been able to work out most of the details reasonably. I helped him find an apartment, we've worked together on splitting the things in our home, and we've also worked together on splitting our money and the time w/kids (usually the 2 big things to argue about).
There are times when I ask myself why we're even separating bc we do have days that are just good and normal. But, then we have other days that aren't so good, or thoughts of that other person creep into my mind, and I remember why we need this time apart. We both need time to think. I wasn't planning on a year, but it was what Shaun felt was best. I guess we'll see as time goes on.
During this time I have a few prayer requests of everyone:
First, pray for the boys! My heart breaks just thinking of it!! The boys are used to daddy getting them up and fixing them breakfast. Him not being there for the day or bedtime isn't new, but they will definitely realize he isn't around. And, then there will be the days that I'm not there at all for them. This will be hard on both of us! I'm always there, everyday, mostly all day. Pray that they won't act out. Pray that they will have a childish unawareness.
Secondly, pray for Shaun and I. I know there are things that Shaun needs to change for us to work, and I know there are things that I need to change. Pray that God will work in our lives and in our hearts. I truly believe we need a miracle, and I know if it's God's will, that He will provide this miracle!
Lastly, pray for the people around us. We are not going into this w/the hopes of divorce. We are both going into this w/the hopes that the time and distance will give us the clarity and strength we will need to continue on. Pray that the people around us will not fill our heads w/unnecessary negativism. I do not expect people to skate around the issues, but we need people to help w/solutions, not bring more problems to the table that don't even exist. Also, our children don't need us nor others bad mouthing the other parent. It will do no good, only harm. I know our situation is different/not the norm, and so we are needing people to respond and react against their normal instincts. Hence why we need prayers in this aspect!
Things have actually been going rather well. We've been able to work out most of the details reasonably. I helped him find an apartment, we've worked together on splitting the things in our home, and we've also worked together on splitting our money and the time w/kids (usually the 2 big things to argue about).
There are times when I ask myself why we're even separating bc we do have days that are just good and normal. But, then we have other days that aren't so good, or thoughts of that other person creep into my mind, and I remember why we need this time apart. We both need time to think. I wasn't planning on a year, but it was what Shaun felt was best. I guess we'll see as time goes on.
During this time I have a few prayer requests of everyone:
First, pray for the boys! My heart breaks just thinking of it!! The boys are used to daddy getting them up and fixing them breakfast. Him not being there for the day or bedtime isn't new, but they will definitely realize he isn't around. And, then there will be the days that I'm not there at all for them. This will be hard on both of us! I'm always there, everyday, mostly all day. Pray that they won't act out. Pray that they will have a childish unawareness.
Secondly, pray for Shaun and I. I know there are things that Shaun needs to change for us to work, and I know there are things that I need to change. Pray that God will work in our lives and in our hearts. I truly believe we need a miracle, and I know if it's God's will, that He will provide this miracle!
Lastly, pray for the people around us. We are not going into this w/the hopes of divorce. We are both going into this w/the hopes that the time and distance will give us the clarity and strength we will need to continue on. Pray that the people around us will not fill our heads w/unnecessary negativism. I do not expect people to skate around the issues, but we need people to help w/solutions, not bring more problems to the table that don't even exist. Also, our children don't need us nor others bad mouthing the other parent. It will do no good, only harm. I know our situation is different/not the norm, and so we are needing people to respond and react against their normal instincts. Hence why we need prayers in this aspect!
5.28.2007
5.26.2007
It's about time!
I used to love the view, but since Rosie joined the crew, I've been more mad then happy after watching it. B4 anyone goes concluding that I'm a gay hater, let me tell you the order that my shows go in the morning. We watch kids shows until 10A, at which time my TV automatically turns to Ellen. After Ellen, it goes to the View. I LOVE Ellen. I think she's funny and a great host. Rosie just rubs me the wrong way. She doesn't let anyone talk if it goes against what she believes, and the way she disrespects our military men just drives me up the wall!!! I was not sad at all to hear that they kicked her off the show a month early, in fact, I did a happy dance :) GOOD RIDDANCE ROSIE!
5.19.2007
My New Addition....Blake
Ok, so we've always had a dog, since b4 the boys came around. We got Hercules first. He is a Chihauhau/Dashound. He's four now, but doesn't he look old?
Then we got Dutchess. She was my little princess:
Well, when I went on bedrest w/Jaden, Dutchess got spoiled and spoiled BAD. She never forgave me for having Jaden, and when I got pregnant w/Asher, I knew she for sure wouldn't be happy. So, I gave her to my in-laws, where believe it or not, she is even MORE spoiled then when I had her.
Hercules and I don't get along. He's Shaun's dog, but Shaun doesn't have time for him. He's been living outside for over a yr now, year round. I keep telling Shaun that he needs a good home, that it's not fair to him, but Shaun didn't want to get rid of him. Well, w/everything that is going on, I found Hercules a good home w/people whom will care for him.
Now, that leaves my kids dogless, and one day, Jaden went outside looking for the dog, and well, he wasn't there. I remember when I was little. I came home from school looking for my dog and come to find out, my parent's had put him to sleep. So, I had to replace their doggie. I wanted a dog that would be good w/kids and somewhat protective. I found these puppies in the paper. They were black lab mixed w/a german shephard. I went, there were about 6 of them, and of course, they were just SO cute. All of them were just jumping around and pawing at me, except for one. There was one little boy that was just sitting there looking all sad, and I knew he was the one. So, I took Blake home w/me, and he's been a PERFECT fit!
He is such a mellow little boy. My parent's puppy bites on the the kids all the time, and needless to say, they're not too thrilled about it. Blake doesn't bite at them. He loves to lick their faces, and he lets them do WHATEVER they like to him! Asher likes to carry him around hanging upside down :) Asher has definitely claimed him as HIS puppy...lol. Just wanted to share the new member of my family.
Then we got Dutchess. She was my little princess:
Well, when I went on bedrest w/Jaden, Dutchess got spoiled and spoiled BAD. She never forgave me for having Jaden, and when I got pregnant w/Asher, I knew she for sure wouldn't be happy. So, I gave her to my in-laws, where believe it or not, she is even MORE spoiled then when I had her.
Hercules and I don't get along. He's Shaun's dog, but Shaun doesn't have time for him. He's been living outside for over a yr now, year round. I keep telling Shaun that he needs a good home, that it's not fair to him, but Shaun didn't want to get rid of him. Well, w/everything that is going on, I found Hercules a good home w/people whom will care for him.
Now, that leaves my kids dogless, and one day, Jaden went outside looking for the dog, and well, he wasn't there. I remember when I was little. I came home from school looking for my dog and come to find out, my parent's had put him to sleep. So, I had to replace their doggie. I wanted a dog that would be good w/kids and somewhat protective. I found these puppies in the paper. They were black lab mixed w/a german shephard. I went, there were about 6 of them, and of course, they were just SO cute. All of them were just jumping around and pawing at me, except for one. There was one little boy that was just sitting there looking all sad, and I knew he was the one. So, I took Blake home w/me, and he's been a PERFECT fit!
He is such a mellow little boy. My parent's puppy bites on the the kids all the time, and needless to say, they're not too thrilled about it. Blake doesn't bite at them. He loves to lick their faces, and he lets them do WHATEVER they like to him! Asher likes to carry him around hanging upside down :) Asher has definitely claimed him as HIS puppy...lol. Just wanted to share the new member of my family.
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