dilema

So, I almost have everything I need to file my taxes. I'm just waiting on 1 W2 which shouldn't make that big of a difference one way or the other on what I'm getting back. I've already made up my mind that I'm getting a new vehicle. My car is at the point where it's starting to nickle and dime me, and I can't keep up w/it and don't want to keep up w/it. It was bought simply to get me through the year, which it did. I need a bigger vehicle. So here's my dilema.
Do I buy a nice vehicle that will actually last more than a year b4 I have to start putting every extra penny I have into it or do I buy another vehicle that will last the year and pay off my one CC.
Dave Ramsey, who I do love, would say pay off the debt and save the money you were spending for the better vehicle. But, here's why I'm not sure I want to go that route. My credit is screwed. Paying off one CC isn't going to make any difference at all. Not to mention that my debt to income ratio is off the charts bc the house is still in my name and will be in my name for at least another year unless God grants a miracle and it sells. To me, it seems almost pointless to pay off the one CC when I know it's not going to make a difference. It would be nice to own a vehicle that I felt comfortable enough to drive more than an hour away from home...
Praying for peace about a decision.

2wks

Sorry I haven't blogged in forever. This whole week has been so hectic, I still don't know what to do w/it all! Well, I officially made it 2wks, but that's where the Daniel's fast ends. I can't say it ended for good reasons, nor can I say those reasons led to good results. You'd think by now I would have lived and learned enough to have foreseen some of that, but nope. I'm glad I did it, wished I'd gone farther, but grateful for what God taught or revealed to me during that time. Continue to pray that I will allow God to direct my life in '09.

for the record

I wanted to make this a new blog so that nobody misses it. It has come to my attention that my last blog came off as if I didn't love my relationships, just were in them for fear. Let me clarify, I loved both Shaun and Brian. Fear would not have been enough to make me marry Shaun. I did also have the hope that the red flags would get better, and I married him on that basis BECAUSE I loved him. As for Brian, I gave him the analogy that he's my addiction. Again, something (or someone) that I love, but not good for me. Just bc something isn't good or right, doesn't mean you can't love it. And just bc I stayed out of fear, doesn't mean that there wasn't love as another force right beside it. I didn't think people would really have to question rather or not I loved Shaun, even though I was married to him for 6yrs.

Days 10 & 11

Sunday didn't start out so great. I had the car started and cleaned off, got the boys dressed and out the door for church, only to find that Shaun didn't leave me Jaden's carseat. Luckily, my sister was coming to church w/me, so I asked her to pick up his extra one that we leave at my parent's. We missed all of the worship :( but at least me made it. And, w/the roads being so bad and w/running so far behind, I didn't even have time to think about donuts as I drove right past it. I went bowling w/a friend, and out to eat afterwards. I will admit, I think a few things weren't on the list of approved, but it's not like I was eating steak and chocolate cake. For me, I was still denying myself and my desires which I think is the main point of the fast along w/growing closer to God in the process.
Today, has been good as well. Today though has been an eye opening day. Today I've learned that instead of letting God rule my life, I've been letting fear rule my life. Examples: I got good grades in HS for fear of not being good enough, not that it did me any good. I became bulimic for fear that I'd never have any friends if I wasn't the perfect weight, this too was in HS and really didn't do much good. I married shaun for fear of looking like a failure for calling off a wedding so close to happening. Yes, there were red flags that I ignored and in the long run, just made me look like an even bigger failure bc now I'm divorced which is a big sin in the Christian world. Even though God doesn't classify sins, the majority of the Christian world struggles w/it. Anyways, that is a whole nother soap box, back on subject. I stayed w/Brian for the fear of being alone w/no one to turn to. Brian was a lot of things that I wanted in a man, but while he came to church once a month out of "support", there's no way he really could have supported me in my faith. I was settling AGAIN, out of fear. Now, does this eye opening experience mean I'm cured? Nope, pretty sure it doesn't. But, I'm praying it's one step closer to being where I need to be and that God will lead from here to get me through the tough times! Weren't expecting all of that now were you? :)

Nine & Ten

Friday started w/Asher waking up, rubbing his eyes, and screaming at me that he can't see. I was just about to put clothes on and take him to the ER when he finally came too. Not sure what was up w/that, just praying we don't have a repeat. As for the day of fasting, it's gone the same as the whole week. Carol brought in some Arby's, and I about quit right then and there I was so tempted! But, I made it through yet another day.
Today has been fine. I'm not even hungry for anything right now. No cravings. I even took the boys to the mall, got them McDonalds, and I did great. Maybe things are looking up again....

Days Four, Five, Six, Seven & Eight

So Saturday ended w/me taking the boys to bowling. It was so much fun, but hard at the same time. It happened to be dinner time b4 we got done so I had to buy dinner for the boys and my sister Charity who came along. And, as I watched them eat and listened to my stomach growl, I thought, I could just take one fry, no one would have to know. But, w/God's strength, I didn't. I will say that as soon as bowling was done, we went straight to Meijer to buy me something acceptable to eat :)








Sunday had it's own temptations. I always get a donut on the way to church especially on days like that when I had nursery so I'm there for two services. But, I drove right past Sweetwaters....very hard! Then at lunch w/the family, my mom made pork. Now, I don't like pork but I LOVE the gravy from it which smelled SO good...I know bc I smelled it 3 or 4 times before letting it pass...lol But I passed on it as well.

Monday,Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty much the same. No hunger pains, just cravings for bread, milk, chocolate. Anything and everything that wasn't allowed, I wanted it.

Thursday, today was the hardest yet, but not bc my cravings got worse but bc my days got worse in general. I had a break down today, literally. I had everyone I could think of praying for me. I'd go into details but it'd just make things worse. Today it was everything I could do NOT to call and order food, real food! I prayed and prayed today which didn't feel like it was working, but it must have bc I made it through. I have no promises that tomorrow will be better, but I do know that I have God on my side through prayer! OH, and lets not forget that I tried to make unleaved bread today. Wasn't the best..lol I'm trying again tomorrow!

Day Three

Yesterday went a little smoother. I made sure to bring more choices of stuff to eat for work which did help. Still took a few prayer sessions to get through the pains that I've been experiencing. And silly me left her stash of candy still at her desk, so every time I'd reach for something or open my one drawer, I'd see them and want them!
Today seems to be going a little smoother. I didn't wake up in so much pain which is always nice. I'm thinking of taking the boys out which I'm sure will bring along more temptations since by now I'm dieing for a fast food fix..lol, but I'll have to pray through that as well.
Hopefully, through this all, I will remember that when I'm facing a temptation that all I need to do is pray!

Day Two

All I can say is WOW. I was not expecting this fast to be as hard as it has been already. I mean, I knew it would be hard bc that's the whole part of a fast is dening yourself and relying on God. I just didn't think that Day One would be as hard as it was.
I think around 5pm yesterday, I was ready to call it quits. I had headaches and my stomach hurt bc it was hungry. Then I was reminded of the power of prayer, and I started praying. I can honestly say that I made it through yesterday ONLY by the power of prayer.
And if you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not! Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't eat healthy..lol I snack on chocolates all night at work, drink lots of pop, and very rarely eat my veggies for dinner. I love meat and pasta and milk. All of my "norms" are not allowed. After I'd prayed through the pain I was experiencing, my stomach was still making noises. Carol, one of the girls that I work with, was joking and said, "your stomach is saying, what am I supposed to do w/this healthy stuff?? it's a foreign object" LOL And, she's probably right.
Today, I woke up w/extreme hunger pains. The kind that make you not want to get out of bed bc they hurt so much, you're just praying the food is magically sitting in front of your face when you open you eyes. No such luck in my case. So, my day immediately started out in prayer.
I've always prayed, but I've never seen God answer so quickly. Usually I have to write my prayers down so I can go back and be like, God answered that this way. Or, I blog stuff on here, and it reminds me of how God answered a prayer. But when I pray about headaches and stomach aches and w/in seconds their gone....
God is great and greatly to be praised!

Day One

well, it's day one of the fast, and while i'm not too far into it, i thought i'd blog incase i just pass out tonight when i get home. i went grocery shopping today to get acceptable food which is a lot of healthy food. this will probably the healthiest 21days of eating i've ever done...lol
i'm tired, but i'm not sure if that's bc i haven't had sugar or caffiene, or if it's bc i had a sick child in bed w/me last night. asher was running a fever, so i brought him in w/me to keep an eye on him. his fever broke mid night but he doesn't lay still to save his life! :)
anyways, i'm starting on the daniel's fast so i do water, juice, fruits, veggies, nuts, and grains. i'm hoping since i have some food that i'll be able to make it the full 21days, but my goal is at least 10days on the daniel's fast. i might switch to the comfort fast for the last stretch...we'll see.
i have given up secular music during this time period, but not as a comfort fast. i think everything needs to be God centered right now, and i'm trying to have that affect every part of my daily life.
so, my main prayer for this time is just that God will give me direction. i'm praying for the man God has out there for me as a future husband that He will lead me to him. i'm praying in regards to what to do w/my work situation. i'm praying that a more affordable place to live will be found in the next 2mos. i'm praying that God's hand will just touch my life and that He will open my eyes to the plans He has for me. is that asking to much? i hope not bc that's my prayer!

fasting

I'm so bummed. Jaden is sick, so I'm missing the first service of the new year :( Our church is doing a 21 day fast on Thursday and going to the 28th of this month.

Beginning January 4, Pastor Lee will begin a new series entitled First: Positioning Yourself to Experience God’s Favor. This powerful teaching is something that Pastor Lee has felt impressed by the Lord to teach the church, and also to call the church into a new level of devotion and blessing. In our world, many people are experiencing economic crisis and questions about what tomorrow holds. In the midst of darkness though, God calls his people to arise and walk in the power of his favor and shine bright. As part of this new year, we will be calling Radiant Church to seek God together in a way we have never done before!

There are 3 parts: The fast which will be my first! Wednesday nights of prayer and worship which I won't be able to attend bc of work. And, then the final night of celebration to end the fast which I will probably try to get off work for.
There are four types of fasts:
water fast

This type of fast is abstaining from food and
only drinking water for a period of time. Drink
plenty of non-tap water, drinking at least
half of your body weight in ounces of water
per day (example: 150lbs=75oz./day).
Distilled water is most beneficial, but filtered
and purified water also works well. A
water-only fast is, by far, the most difficult
fast due to the detoxification process that
the body goes through and the lack of
energy that is experienced as a result of not
eating. Many people who are experienced
in fasting have fasted this way for 40 days or
more. Long-term water fasts are possible,
but definitely not comfortable. You may
choose to do a short-term water fast
sometime during the 21 days.

juice fast

In this fast, abstain from food and only drink
water and 100% juice for a period of time.
Drink mildly or non-acidic fruit juices such as
apple, grape, peach or pineapple, which
are excellent sources of necessary natural
sugar to stabilize blood sugar and keep
energy levels up. Raw vegetable juices
such as carrot, celery, beet or green
vegetable combinations are excellent as
well (not V8 – 100% vegetable juices only,
without added sugars, salt or preservatives).
You can do normal daily activities on a
juice fast.
For more detailed information on water
and juice fasting, visit freedomyou.com.

daniel fast

(Daniel 10:2-3) This is a partial fast that
provides many of the attributes of denying
self and seeking God, but with less discomfort
than a juice or water fast. Here are
some guidelines for a good Daniel Fast:
Foods included in a Daniel Fast: fruits,
vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds,
legumes, 100% juice, natural oils, water.
Foods not included in a Daniel Fast: meat,
dairy, all natural and artificial sweeteners, all
leavened breads, refined and processed
foods, fried foods, solid fats, coffee, tea,
alcohol, carbonated beverages.
For more detailed information on Daniel
fasting, visit danielfast.wordpress.com.

comfort fast

Our lives are filled with endless amounts of
comforts and conveniences. Here are
some ideas of the things you might fast on
a comfort fast:
TV/movies, caffeine, video games, newspapers,
scrapbooking, sugary foods, online
social networks (facebook, myspace,
twitter, etc.), magazines, shopping, etc.
Take twenty-one days away from distractions
and time-consuming activities, and
use that time to draw near to God.

I'm going to try either the juice fast or the daniel fast. I've done a comfort fast, but I don't really count that as a fast. I really want to do something that will force me to really rely on God for strength. Pray for me starting Thursday that God will give me the strength to follow through and that God will lead me in where my life needs to be this new year!