Still Needing Prayers

Well, I received my go back to work date this week from my boss. She actually wants me back the week we're going to Florida, so obviously that won't be happening, but that means I go back the week after we get back. I still struggle very much w/this! I know that I'm a single mom, and the thought of being a stay at home mom is almost laughable in my position. But, none the less, it is what I feel heavy upon my heart to be the best thing for the boys and I.

If I go back to work, there are monetary rewards that would seem to make it worth while for most. I get $500 for returning to work, and in the end, I think I get a months' worth of severance pay. But, money has never been the driving factor in my life. And even w/that, when the boys go back to daycare, we will have to start paying for the first time since Asher started last May. I realize the time we've had free is a HUGE blessing, but it doesn't make the realization of having to fit daycare expenses into my budget any less hard. And, if I don't go back to work, my unemployment will end. Even after going back to work, w/them cutting off all extensions, I'm only going to have 2months of unemployment to claim when I get laid off again bc I won't have been back to work long enough to start another claim. And, my worker was right about what Asher would get from SS. It's about a not even half what I was hoping for, and it's still not official that he'll be receiving it, though it looks very promising.

Not to mention the schedule that these boys have. A regular week consist of Monday am- speech, Tuesday am- preschool, Wednesday- case worker am, OT pm, Thursday am- preschool, and Friday am- speech. This coming week is Monday- speech am, ENT pm, Tuesday- preschool am, psychologist pm, Wednesday- case worker am, eye surgeon pm, Thursday- preschool am, OT pm, and Friday- speech am. Do you see what I'm talking about???

I've been on the waiting list for new housing since October. The place I'm trying to get into is also low income, but it adjusts based on what I'm making at the time. It also would be a 3 bedroom town home w/a basement. So, it'd be bigger, less rent, and no utilities to be paid.

My prayer list that needs to be answered for me to stay home:

1. new housing- there's no way I can make my bills while living where I'm at. Every time I call to see how long the wait is for my housing it gets longer and longer. The wait was 2-3months when I applied in October. Then it was changed to 4-6months. When I called in December, I was told the wait was 6-8months from when I applied.
2. income- I'm told it could be anywhere from 2-4months for Asher's SS to start up. And while I will get back pay from the time I requested it, it doesn't make that big of a difference if I'm not receiving the money when I really need it. If I don't get his SS, I need a new form of income as my unemployment will be cut, and even w/new housing, I don't think I can make it w/out some sort of income.

So, seeing as I've been waiting since October for new housing and I just started on the SS for Asher, it literally would/will take a miracle for me to be able to stay home w/the boys. I do have some money saved up, but it would either be a huge leap of faith or the most stupid thing I've ever done to walk away from a job in this economy w/no stability in site. Maybe that is what God is calling me towards, a leap of faith, but I don't know. I need prayers that God will open doors, make miracles happen, or hold my hand as I take the biggest leap of faith ever. I'm asking everyone who will to join me. I have 30days till I am to return to work. I know that nothing is impossible w/God!