my dad was sentenced

So my dad was officially charged w/4th degre child abuse for what he did to Jaden, and last Wednesday we went to court for his sentencing. He claims he's sorry though he failed to apologize the day it happened when Shaun picked them up, and has yet to try to apologize even through email which would be really the only other way since I'm still refusing to have contact w/him. Just being in the same room as him made me want to puke and run from the room! The thought that he could do that to me my whole life is one thing that I've been dealing for quite some time, but the fact that he could in turn do that to my child just hits me to my core. But, I was there in court and actually ended up sitting straight across from him bc I wanted him know that I'm still very serious about everything that happened. Shaun, of course, was there as well for the same reasons. The judge sentenced him to 18 months of probation during which time he'll pay a combined $700 in fees, he'll be drug tested, he'll continue w/counseling, and he'll have absolutely nothing to do w/Jaden.

Now, I will not lie and say I've found forgiveness in my heart for my dad because I haven't yet. But, this does make me sad. Out of both boys, I'd say Jaden and my dad were probably the closest bc Jaden liked going outside and working around the house w/dad. And now, Jaden wants nothing to do w/dad. He just randomly brings up how papa "spanked" him and how he never wants to go see him. And yes, we leave it at my dad "spanked" him bc he is young and maybe one day when he's older, he'll want to have a relationship w/my dad. And it's sad bc through all of this, we're pretty well isolated from my family. And while everyone except for Melanie's family have come to visit w/them since it happened, our whole routine has changed. They went from spending every Sunday w/the whole family and most evenings w/my moom and dad, to only seeing people here or there. It's sad how one person's choices can have consequences on such a wide level. Because even after I find forgiveness and even after the probation is up and even after the boys have gotten older, I'm not sure the trust level will ever be there, and I'm pretty sure the relationship will never be the same. Sad for everyone :(