my prayer

When it came time to be laid off from work, I fought it w/everything I had w/in me! I feared there was no way I was going to be able to make it financially. And, had it not been for unemployment, I'm not sure I would have been able to make it. But even w/unemployment, my fears were very real that there was no way we could survive.

But, after being laid off, Asher was diagnosed w/his sensory integration dysfunction. He stared OT and speech therapy. And, this month he gets diagnosed w/a mood disorder which may or may not mean more appointments. Either way, being at home w/them has been a really good thing for all of us. The boys love being home, Asher's attitude is improving, and I really feel fulfilled being able to be there for them.

So, my goal really has been to be able to stay home for good. I was told that I would be able to get disability for Asher based on his new diagnosis, and I was told by another friend who's child got disability that would be a rather good size amount. So, I'd been praying that this was God's way of allowing me to stay home w/the boys.

Well, today we met w/Asher's worker, and she told me that the amount I thought I'd be getting for his disability is probably WAY off! She can't believe the amount my friend's friend got. So, as you can imagine, today has been a very discouraging day for me. I honestly at this point, can not imagine going back to work. I literally would see my boys in the morning long enough to take them to preschool or an appointment (Asher has appointments every day they don't have preschool), and then I'd have to take them to daycare only to pick them up in time to put them to bed every night. That is not the life I had envisioned for my family. And, I realize there's a lot in my life that I hadn't envisioned, but from a very young age, I've always been convicted that when having children, my place is to be at home w/them.

So now, I'm back to square one. The conviction that I need to be home w/my boys has only grown w/all of Asher's increasing appointments and seeing how well the boys have adjusted to me being home. But what I thought would be my solution, no longer looks to be the solution. So I'm asking that everyone will join me in my prayer:

God, I am claiming that you are big enough and will provide the needs of my family! And unless the conviction in my heart is changed, I'm claiming that You will provide a way for me to stay home w/my boys. God, I clearly have no idea how You will bring that about, but You haven't failed me yet. I'm placing my full faith and totally relying that You will hear my prayer and provide my needs!
Amen

I realize this is a big step of faith, and I'm praying that everyone will join their prayers w/mine! Or that if I am wrong, and God does want me to go back to work, that He will provide me a peace about it all.