I was recently asked the question "are you happy?", and it made me think. Am I happy? W/all the things that have happened in my life over the years? You can go as far back as my childhood abuse, then to not realy having a childhood bc I had my siblings to help raise, to my deep depression phase that almost cost me my life, to my infertility (which God obviously overcame), to my divorce, to my never ending financial issues, and to the most recent, the assualt on my child. Am I happy? Amazingly, I'd have to answer yes bc of the results they have brought. They have all influenced me in one way or another. Now, they could have made angry at the world and life, they could have made me depressed (which was the case for a while), but through it all they made me a better version of the person I probably would have been. Through my divorce, I have finally learned who I am. I'm able to realize that there are things in my life that need working on, and I'm finally seeking the help to work through those. I'm quite positive I didn't come to find myself until after the divorce bc I'm not the same person. I'm stronger, more independent in a lot of ways. I've learned to rely on God for everything, and God is great! The recent assault on my son caused me to finally take that last step of faith that I needed to take, but that everyone kept assuring me wasn't needed. And no matter what the courts decide, I've made the statement that the cycle of abuse WILL end w/me in my family. Sadly, it had to be at the cost of my dad's relationship w/his grandchildren but enough is enough. Through all of this, I have learned so much about me and about God and about how family should be. I've learned who my true friends are, and I'm realizing that w/God, I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be. I'm learning how to be a better parent. I've learned that some of the best decisions are the hardest ones you'll ever have to make which takes courage. I'm learning and growing and changing which can be hard but great all at the same time. So, am I happy w/everything that has happened in my life? No. But, I am happy and thankful for the results that have come from it all. I'm happy that I have 2 wonderful little boys, I'm happy that I have a great boyfriend, I'm happy that I finally have a van (issues and all), I'm happy that I have a place I can afford, I'm happy that I have a job w/people I enjoy, and most importantly, I'm happy that I have a God who sees all, knows all, and provides all!!!
"And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need."
- Matthew 29-31
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4 comments:
Wow. That was amazing. You have just been a major encouragment for me.
Thanks!
Unfortunately, this world is full of sin and no matter how much we want to protect our children sometimes that is not always possible. You mentioned what a family should be unfortunately again sometimes things happen in families that are a result of things in the past that we dont know but because we are a family and definitely what God desires, in the good times and bad, God's grace is sufficient to cover all our sins and help us to work through situations. God definitely doesn't want to see families divided. I hope for your children's sake that you can find forgiveness in your heart and allow God to bringing healing into your life and your father's life.
Anonymous-
You are correct, God's grace is enough to cover all. What we disagree on is that just because I do have to come to a point of forgiveness, does not mean that I have to continually put myself in an unhealthy and unsafe environment, and I especially don't have to put my children in that environment. And, I did seek counsel of the church on that one. While God does not wish for families to be devided, He also doesn't suggest us putting ourselves in harmful situations. I cannot control my father's anger and neither can he obviously. What I've learned is that my father hasn't changed in the past 18yrs of my life. Infact, from past history, my father's lashing out is getting closer and closer. Eventually, it will come to a head, and my children and I will not be around to be the brunt of it. So yes, I do need to find forgiveness, and I'm working on that w/my counselor. But, I will not continue to submit myself not my children to that. Sometimes, even w/forgiveness, there are consequences to actions, and I will not live in guilt over something my father brought upon himself.
Even if you do forgive your father and move on, you don't need to put yourself or your boys in that situation anymore. But forgiveness towards him will help yourself heal also.
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