Some thoughts

Last week, I started going to a new Bible study at my church. We're doing the book "Having a Mary Spirit". I wasn't sure what it was about, or what I would get out of it. After reading just the 1st two chapters, I'm very glad God led me to go!! Here are some quotes from the book that spoke to me, along w/my responses to some of the questions it asked. I'm sure I'll have more to come as the weeks go by!

"God never withholds good except when He has something better to give."

"We have a Savior who loves us just as we are, but loves us too much to leave us that way."

"He only makes us feel uneasy w/where we are so we're willing to do whatever it takes to get where He is."

"There were approximately 586 shades of white to choose from. 586! You could spend a lifetime trying to get just the right sahd. And some of us do."

"Christ offers us a fresh start. A clean slate. A 'personal whitewash' so white that the human mind cannot comprehend, but only receive it."

"My deepest fear is waking up 20yrs from now still the same woman I am today. W/the same annoying habits and petty attitueds; w/the same besetting sins and false beliefs. I can't imagine anything more terrible than getting to the end of my life only to discover that God had som much more in mind for me- more freedom, more joy, more peace, more true effectivness. And I had missed it all simply bc I refused to change."

I see God as actively involved in my life, but currently I see Him as my tester. How much can Holly take? I feel like he is trying to break me.....WOW....He wants to break me! Exactly what I've been praying for, but I have been fighting Him every step of the way. He's been doing exactly what I asked, and I've been too stubborn, too self absorbed, and too self-loathing to see it. WOW!! What to do now? How do I let Him break me? How do I trust that everything will turn out ok? That's what He wants, my complete trust in Him. For me to rely soley on His leading, on His understanding, on His love. To put away myself. What a scary thought! What an uneasy feeling. Should trusting God so completely be so scary and foreign? What does that say about me and myrelationship w/God? What does that say about ME?????

It's hard to give myself "no further uneasiness" about confessed sins. Does thta mean that I don't trust God to fully forgive and forget? Does that mean I don't see myself as being forgivable?? What a mess I am!!


I hope that something spoke to your heart as God has spoken to my heart. I hope that my openness and honesty has encouraged someone. I'm not looking for pats on the back. Currently, I feel so far from what God would have me be, but I'm going to try to learn to lean on Him and let Him lead me. What a scary and unfamiliar road I am about to travel!