is it over?

I can't believe the weekend is over already! I had such a great 3days off from work, I'm very sad to have to return! Friday I started the bike saga. I have a bike for J that attatches to the end of my bike that I got from my boss, and I was trying to find a way to attatch a carrier for Asher. So, I went over to my sister's house to get some tools and spent about an hour there working on it. After work and after dinner w/the boys at CiCi's, their fav place to eat (thank goodness it's cheap bc it's not the best food), Shaun helped me for another hour. The problem w/the first carrier which put Asher in front of me, was that it attatched in the back w/J's and put me up to high. I'm evidentally short..lol. So the next day we went to Toyrus and got the carrier that sits on the back. After 2hrs of fighting w/that, I got it on but it didn't allow J's bike to turn. I was SO frustrated!! So the boys and I had another day of not biking, but we had fun together. Sunday was church of course, and afterwards we went to the GR mall w/my sister. The boys love it there bc they always get to ride the carosel, have cookies, and play in the inside play area. What more could little boys ask for? Oh, that's right, they were asking to go for a bike ride! So, when we got home, Bethany's boyfriend and I put in another 2.5hrs trying to get the bike to work. This is the ONLY way we could make it work (don't try this at home!):

I must say it was very unstable, but the boys thought it was awesome! The thought of buying large training wheels did cross my mind only bc I wanted to make something work so bad for them! They were yet bummed again that they couldn't go biking. But, I had a back-up plan. I knew we were going biking w/my mom the next day. So the next day we get up, and I call my mom in the morning to make sure she has the bike carrier and everything so we can bike. She doesn't! I couldn't disappoint the boys again!! So I rushed over to Shaun's to grab his bike which had a seat for Asher, and went over to my sister's to get the attatchment for J for my bike, and we were in business! We biked at least 7miles, which for not having biked in a couple years and carrying a 40lb little boy behind me was not too bad IMPO. The boys had a great time! All in all, it was a good weekend. I enjoyed the time off w/the boys! Infact, they went to Shaun's last night, and I was all excited for the break. But now, just the morning after, I find myself missing them again :( Anyways, it's time to start another work week, yet another thing that doesn't thrill me. But, such is life. Hope everyone else had a great Memorial Day weekend, and many thanks to all who have, are, and will serve our nation!!!

sometimes you have to wonder

I was recently asked the question "are you happy?", and it made me think. Am I happy? W/all the things that have happened in my life over the years? You can go as far back as my childhood abuse, then to not realy having a childhood bc I had my siblings to help raise, to my deep depression phase that almost cost me my life, to my infertility (which God obviously overcame), to my divorce, to my never ending financial issues, and to the most recent, the assualt on my child. Am I happy? Amazingly, I'd have to answer yes bc of the results they have brought. They have all influenced me in one way or another. Now, they could have made angry at the world and life, they could have made me depressed (which was the case for a while), but through it all they made me a better version of the person I probably would have been. Through my divorce, I have finally learned who I am. I'm able to realize that there are things in my life that need working on, and I'm finally seeking the help to work through those. I'm quite positive I didn't come to find myself until after the divorce bc I'm not the same person. I'm stronger, more independent in a lot of ways. I've learned to rely on God for everything, and God is great! The recent assault on my son caused me to finally take that last step of faith that I needed to take, but that everyone kept assuring me wasn't needed. And no matter what the courts decide, I've made the statement that the cycle of abuse WILL end w/me in my family. Sadly, it had to be at the cost of my dad's relationship w/his grandchildren but enough is enough. Through all of this, I have learned so much about me and about God and about how family should be. I've learned who my true friends are, and I'm realizing that w/God, I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be. I'm learning how to be a better parent. I've learned that some of the best decisions are the hardest ones you'll ever have to make which takes courage. I'm learning and growing and changing which can be hard but great all at the same time. So, am I happy w/everything that has happened in my life? No. But, I am happy and thankful for the results that have come from it all. I'm happy that I have 2 wonderful little boys, I'm happy that I have a great boyfriend, I'm happy that I finally have a van (issues and all), I'm happy that I have a place I can afford, I'm happy that I have a job w/people I enjoy, and most importantly, I'm happy that I have a God who sees all, knows all, and provides all!!!
"And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need."
- Matthew 29-31

in the midst

God is great and GREATLY to be praised!!!

Eye Surgery

Well, we went to the GR Ophthalmology to see Dr Piippo to get a 2nd opinion on J's eyes. Shaun and I both agree he will be going back there for the rest of his appts to check on his vision bc we actually felt for once that someone took the time and did an actual eye exam on him. She said his good eye is better than his bad eye, and that both have slight stigmatisms forming in them. She suggested we do the surgery now. She feels he's old enough that they can get a pretty good measurement for his eye lid. Doesn't mean he won't have more surgeries down the road, but she feels we should at least get the ball rolling. Then after the surgery, we're to go back to her in a month or so to get his eyes rechecked. I'm thinking glasses may still be in his near future. I called Dr Nelson at UoM, and I'm just waiting to hear back for an appt date. My poor guys has been through a lot, and it looks like he's got a little more coming his way.

Happy Mother's Day

Well, I got cards and a present from the boys last night when they were delivered back to me. Brian called me this morning to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. The boys and I went to church and then it was straight to M89 to see Monster's vs Aliens. They did really good, and the movie was pretty cute. We came home and rested for a bit. And now, we're heading back out to return the dvd we rented last night and get something to eat for dinner. It's Mother's Day, I shouldn't have to cook!
Happy Mother's Day!

never a dull moment

I'm beginning to wonder if I'd even be able to handle a normal life bc mine has thrown me so many road blocks that I'm beginning to wonder if I'd be lost w/out them.

So, Jaden had his surgery last week, had his 3rd set of tubes, 2nd time for adnoids out, and 1st time for his tonsils being removed. He did pretty good through day 2, but on day 3 he started not wanting to eat or drink which led to him puking everything. So I left work, we went to immediate care and ended in the ER. They sent him home w/nausea meds to help settle his stomach so that maybe he could keep something down, and it helped.

In the middle of all this caos, I did make it to the wedding w/Brian. We shortened our trip due to J not feeling quite up to par, but I did at least get to go. I met what little family I hadn't already met. They were awesome, and we had a great time. I even got a dance out of Brian which is a pretty good considering he doesn't dance.

When I returned, so did Jaden which while he was finally keeping things down, was still not feeling well. But, I'd missed enough work due to it all and since he was at least drinking and eating a little, I decided it was ok for him to go to my parents house while I went to work. What happened next is my biggest nightmare realized. I left my son in the care of my parents, and ended up taking my son to the police station bc my dad beat him for not eating. And while some would like to say it was just a spanking, and anyone who knows me knows I do believe in spanking, but when my son has marks on his body that are sore to the touch and very noticable 12hrs later, know that it was not a spanking.

I have no idea what happens next other than my father is no longer allowed to be around my children. And that's per CPS not that I would have it any other way at this point. People will have their opinions. Some will feel I never should have left him there in the first place, which I had been struggling with myself. But when childcare eats 2/3rds of your paycheck, and you have to work to support your family, my options were slim. And all 3 of us grown children w/kids trusted both of my parent's to watch our kids never expecting this to be the end result. Infact one of my siblings is still letting my dad watch her kids so... Some will feel I over reacted. So let me come hit your child till someone stops me bc they know what I'm doing is wrong. And let you see the bruises on your child, and then tell me I over reacted. Whatever view anyone has it really doesn't matter at this point. I always have and always will do what I feel is in the best interest of my boys bc they will always come first to me!

But I do need prayers. Pray that my son will never realize the truth of what just happened to him. He believes he was just punished, and while we have assured him he did nothing wrong, we're leaving it at he was punished. Pray that he will begin to feel better from his surgery bc it's been over a week, and I feel bad that my little buddy is still in pain. Pray that I will find safe and affordable daycare for my children. Pray for healing of my heart. While I'd prefer to have never had to of been put in this position, this will not be an easy road that I now have to travel no matter what the outcome may be. Pray for wisdom as to where to go from here, and pray that God will give me strength to make it through to the other side.