meds

Well, after a lot of thought and exhausting every other possibility we could think of, we decided to put Asher on medication. It's been decided by his neuropysch that Asher not only has the sensory integration but also has a slight mood disorder along w/ADHD. And both the neuropsych and psychiatrist agree that while normally they don't prescribe this young, in Asher's case, meds were needed.
The first drug we tried was called clonidine. It's a med that used to be used regularly on ADHD children, and is used on adults to lower blood pressure. The thought was that it would slow him down a bit so maybe he'd have a better control of himself. We put him on the absolute lowest of dose, and it was not a good result. It was like he was stoned. He was not responsive at all. And when he did finally come off it, he was 10 times worse than on a normal day. So, we stopped that immediately!
The next drug we tried was focalin. This is also given to ADHD children, and again, it is to help him be more in control of himself and to be able keep a train of thought. The side effects for this are that it can make the mood disorder to be more pronounced and can cause loss of appetite. Asher has been on this drug for a little over a week now, and I must say he's making improvements! It does effect his appetite, so we have to make sure he eats good enough. And at times, it does seem to bring out an anxious/aggressive side of him. But, the majority of the time, it results in good days. Asher seems to be calmer. He can carry on a conversation and not lose focus or bounce from place to place. Today after being woke up to go to his appt and seeing that brother got to stay home and watch tv, instead of that ruining his entire day as it did just a month ago, he bounced back and had a very pleasant morning! His psych was just amazed at home happy he seemed, and how well he was able to converse w/her. We all knew that he was a smart little person, but when he can think straight, he just blows your mind w/what comes out of him.
We're still keeping him in the OT to help him learn self regulation and get a better control over the sensory integration disorder. And his psychiatrist thinks that maybe as he matures, his needs for meds might decrease. But for now, I'm just happy to see some improvements in behavior, but most of all, it was good for my heart to see him smile and be happy.

happy happy joy job

So, I know the goal in everyone's life seems to be to get a job. That's what we want from the time we turn 16...MUST HAVE JOB...NEED MONEY! And, to some extent, that is very true. To have money, you need a job, and money is needed to survive in this world. While I do not want to come off as ungrateful for the doors God has opened in regards to my new job, I must admit, I miss being off w/my boys more and more each day! J, who is w/out a doubt a daddy's boy, asked me the other day "mommy when will you have enough money to not work anymore". Let me tell you...broke my heart! And, I know it's a part of life. I know there are TONS of mothers, single or not, out there in the work place. And, I know God had perfect timing bc I got this job just as my unemployment ended. Mentally, I know all of this, but I can't seem to get it through to my heart.
I felt like I was able to stay up w/the needs of the boys so much better when I wasn't working. Like yesterday, we started Asher on his new med. Wasn't expecting it to have any adverse affect. The doctor told me he was more than healthy enough to handle it. I went out on lunch, and it was like he was not there. That kid was spaced out! So then, it took all afternoon btwn calls for work and breaks to figure out what to do for him. I should have been there all day w/him. I should have seen the affects immediately bc it should have been me there, and not the babysitter (granted it is my sister, but still). I had to have my mom take the boys to a few appts this summer bc I've been working and can't take time off. And on the few appts I can still do, Asher has had to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go to them.
I HATE that there is sin in this world bc that's the reason for all of this. It seems like the major life changes in my life have stemmed as the result of someone's sin. Sometimes they've worked out for the good, but recently, I struggle to see the good anymore.
I don't know what exactly I'm saying. Do I plan on quitting my job tomorrow and praying that God sends my rent check every month? No. Do I plan on things changing in my family life anytime soon? No. I guess I'm just praying that if there is any other way, God would open the door. And if not, that God would work on my heart that I learn to accept this for how it is.