trust

Trust is something I'm struggling w/these days. At first, I didn't think I had a problem. But the more time that passes, the more I find myself waiting for the floor to fall out from underneith of me and for what I've known from previous experiences to become true in my present experience. My head tells me that it's not fair to act upon my assumptions of what I feel might be when I haven't been given any reason to believe that it would be. But, how do I train my heart?

I forgot

I FINALLY got my first child support check. The state finally got it's stuff together and in order!! I chewed the lady out at the office bc before they decided to step in and "help out" I WAS getting my child support. Not until they stuck their noses into everything did I miss almost a month's worth of pymts. But I am thankful that it's coming again.
Also, got my taxes figured out. After seeing what benefitted who the most, I think they're finally ready to be filed...YAY!!! I do need to readjust so that I get more of that money back during the year vs waiting for a refund at the end of the year. But, not having earned income in over a year, I wasn't sure where I needed my exemptions to be at. Now that I know, I can do some adjusting to hopefully help out throughout the year more!

Possible Solution

My sister told me today that she would be interested in taking Blake. So, if I get rid of him, which I probably will, I atleast know he has a good home to go to. Plus, the kids will still be able to see him. I know the kids will miss him, and they'll probably want another dog. And, I'll get them another dog WHEN they're older and able to have the responsibility for a dog. Or, when I have more time to deal w/a dog.

anyone want a dog??

I'm beginning to come to my wits end w/my dog, Blake. When Shaun 1st moved out, I got rid of the one dog we had left, Hercules, bc Hercules and I did NOT get along. He was Shaun's dog, not mine, so I found him a good home. Then the boys realized that the dog was gone, and they were upset. So, I decided to get another dog, a cute little puppy named Blake.

But, as with everything, he didn't stay small. He has grown into a full size black lab/german shepherd. I like having him around not only for the kids, but also for my peace of mind. When I was pregnant w/Jaden, we had someone try to break into our house. My sister happened to be sleeping out in the livingroom, they saw her, and they left, after breaking into our explorer. But luckily, nothing was stolen and no damage was really done. But, from that point on, my peace of mind has been wrecked. I know the odds are lower for break-ins if there is a dog to deter them away. Being a single mom, home alone at nights w/2 babies, I like my odds being as low as possible!
But, Blake is destroying my backyard when he's loose, and I seriously am afraid he's going to break my bedroom window one of these days bc he jumps on it trying to get my attention. But peole think it's inhumane when I keep him in the back w/his dog house on a leash. I just don't know what to do w/him!
Currently, he's back on his leash. I'd rather have people thinking bad thoughts than a broken window in the middle of winter. And, I'm not sure I'm ready to give him up yet for security reasons, but I do feel that eventually, probably sometime soon if I end up going through w/it, Blake will also be finding a new home too :(

missing

I miss my babies! Shaun took the week off bc of Jaden's surgery, so that he could be there, which was nice. And, while having pretty much a whole week off from them has been a nice break, I MISS my babies!!! They will be back this afternoon, but I have to take them straight to Mimi's bc I have to work till 9P :( And, I work 9-5 tomorrow too *tears* We'll have Sunday together, and then they'll be off again to their daddy's. This week has kinda felt like I didn't have any kids bc of all the freedom I've had, but no matter how many times they drive me to insanity, I wouldn't trade having them in my life for anything in the world!!!

the verdict is in

Jaden made it through the surgery. I woke him up at 7A, figures the day he has to get up at 7A is the day he'd want to sleep in....lol Anyways, we were a little late bc the roads were bad, and it took Shaun much longer to get in than expected even though he had given himself extra time to get here. So, we get there, and they take us back pretty quickly. They gave Jaden a drug which was supposed to make him sleepy to help when they took him away from us, but anyone who knows Jaden, knows that he's the master of fighting sleep :) He was scheduled to go for surgery at 8:30, but he didn't go back till 9. I think they came to get us around 10:10 to let us know that he was done and waking up. He was crying, but as soon as I picked him up, he stopped. Shortly afterwards, he decided he wanted daddy. So, daddy held him for the rest of the time. They took out his adnoids, but said they weren't bad. So, that means we might be doing more surgies later on down the road bc they were hoping the adnoids were the reason behind the problems this time. His ear pollip is completely gone bc he was going biopsy it if there had been anything left. We left the surgery center around 11, after we finally got Jaden to take his tylenol. Normally he wouldn't have any problems, but I think since the first time we got him to take meds, they took him away for surgery. I think he was afraid we were going to do that again. He's home now though. Still groggy. Actually, Shaun took him and Asher back to his house. Shaun took off the week so that he could be there for Jaden since I can't afford to take time off. Anyways, thanks for all the prayers and support!! Keep praying that this time will be the last time!

well

There's not much new to report. Jaden has his surgery next Tuesday. He did go to the doctor this week, and the pollip on his ear is gone, thank God! I'm very thankful that it was nothing serious!! Asher is same ol' Asher. I wish he'd get out of the "what's that?" phase soon. The kid is gonna drive me bonkers :P
As for me, I'm still enjoying my job at JH even though it's a pay cut. I'm hoping that my child support will start up soon. I did find out that I'm just waiting for Meijer to send back the paperwork so that it can get processed. As for other jobs, I'm still applying for anything and everything that I think I could qualify for. I haven't heard anything though, so that's getting kind of discouraging.
In church last week, Pastor Lee challenged all of us in our tithes. He said the reason God asks us to give 10% back to him is for several reasons, one of which being that where we trust are money shows a lot about where we are. I will admit, I had been tithing, but not the full 10%. I guess I felt God would understand and just be grateful that I was even giving a little. Pastor Lee quoted Malachi 3:8-12

8 "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?'
"In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. 12 "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.

And, he challenged all of us, even those whom have never tithed to tithe the full amount on Sunday as a whole entire church and actually put God to the test to see if He doesn't prove true in our lives. So, that's what the majority of our church agreed to do. There were a few in both services that said they'd have to think about it, but most everyone took the challenge. I too am going to take the challenge and see what God has instore for me. I agree that if God didn't give me a job, then I wouldn't have any money to my name, and I need to show gratitude by giving back to Him what little he asks. I'll keep you all updated as to what blessings I see come out of this.

technically

FYI, Brian and I are officially more than just friends. He's still ever the gentleman, and we're still taking things very slowly. But, we are dating.
I didn't want my annonymous reader, who thinks they know me but don't have the guts to identify themselves, to think that I was lying to the blog world.

the interview

Well, I doubt they'll offer me the job at Claires but that's actually ok. Infact, I almost didn't even stay for the interview. As I sat there, waiting to be interviewed, looking around the store, I asked myself, "what am I doing here?" Yes, it's a job, yes it's full time, but is it what I want? And, the answer was no. I did do the interview, but if they offer me the job, I'll be SHOCKED! But, I'm not bummed. I know that wasn't where I was intended to be, but God still has a plan, and I'll keep looking!

work

Alright, well, I went into Jackson Hewitt today to work and told my manager that my availability had changed :P I gave her my new hours, and as she was inputting them, she looks at me and says "did you quit your other job?" I was like, no I didn't quit. Then she goes, "did you get fired?" Getting fired NEVER sounds good, but I told her what happened, and she was fine w/it. She looked at me and said, "so you need as many hours as possible?", and I was like, yep...lol. So, I'll have Wednesdays off bc that's the day I get the boys back from being gone w/Shaun 2 days, but other then that, I'm hoping to be working almost every day.
Oh, and to top it off, I got a call for an interview for the managment position at Claires that I applied for a few weeks ago. I go tomorrow after I get out of JH. So, thanks for all of your prayers, and please keep them coming! I know God has a plan, and I really am trying to rely on Him to show me what that will be!

Lived to Tell

Well, my wkend was GREAT!! I thoroughly enjoyed snow mobiling!!!! The 1st night we got there, we rode to get some food. It was dark, and I was slightly nervous. I don't think I got over 30mph.
The next day, everyone slept in bc they stayed up to late and bc it's vacation. We got on the trails around 1P and rode till about 6P. By time we got done, I was feeling much more confident. I even got up to 55mph which may not seem like much, but certainly felt fast enough.
There were a ton of people there, and everyone was really nice. It was a much needed vacation, and I CAN'T WAIT to go again!!!!!

Fired

Well, I guess I can now say I've been fired from a job. Ever since I filed the sexual harrassment case at M&M Motormall, they've been treating me like crap. Jay, the girl that I work with has been getting really mean and petty towards me, plus she's been getting lazy at her job. But, since I'm not one to go tattle constantly, I just kept all of her flaws to myself. Well, it all came to a head the Friday b4 New Years. I'd found out that, for a 2nd week in a row, I wasn't going to be working Monday or Tuesday bc of the holidays which REALLY hurts my paychecks! So, I went to talk to our boss Lavada, just to clarify that I really wasn't going to be working Monday and to share how much that was going to hurt my paycheck. Lavada suggested that Jay and I split Monday, and since Jay got paid for the holiday plus worked on Saturday, I didn't think it was that bad of an idea. Well, Jay had a tantrum about it, so Lavada and I decided to think of something else. Lavada said that the girls in the office had suggested that I be trained to work in there to help out on weekends, vacations, and such. So, I was scheduled to come in early Wed-Fri to train and start working in the office 2wkends later. On Saturdays, just one of us work, and last Saturday was my day to work. Well, Jay ended up showing up too, knowing full well that it was my day to work, so that she could chew me out about everything. At this point, I decided to let her have my point of view about everything bc I was extrememly pissed off that she had the nerve to come in on her day off only to chew me out!! So, Wednesday when I got in, I went to Lavada and told her what had happened, and she said that she was going to talk to Jay on Thursday and that if Jay didn't straighten up, she'd be fired. So, yesterday I went into work early, to continue training for the new position, and Lavada was waiting for me. She took me into her office and had us close the door which is never a good sign. She looks at me and says "you're terminated as of this moment". I was like, WHAT THE HECK?!?!? I was totally thrown for a loop. I asked her why, what her reason was, and she said, "bc I can". What type of BS answer is that??? So, I am now out my main job. To top it off, my child support started going through the Friend of the Court this month, and they don't have the paperwork done for it. They said it could me 6-8wks b4 I start receiving my checks. So, not only did I lose my main income, but I also lost my CS. I've been applying for jobs for the past week or so, but haven't heard anything as of yet.
As far as M&M goes, I dare them to hire a new girl bc if they do, I'm going to try to sue them bc I guarentee the only reason I got fired is bc of the sexual harrassment case bc nothing else makes sense. Especially since they'd just started training me for a new position. I would guess that Jay took her complaints to Randy, one of the head owners. Randy hasn't been happy w/me ever since I filed bc I wasn't happy w/the fact that he did absolutely nothing about it! So, I'd almost put money on it that he is the reason I'm fired bc I've never missed a day, never disobeyed an order by my boss, never done anything to warrent getting fired.
As for as finances go, I don't know what I'm going to do. This might just be the 1st month that I miss pymts on things bc I have no money coming in at this time. Jackson Hewitt hasn't started up yet bc the tax season isn't going yet, and I have practically nothing coming from M&M bc this was a holiday week, and I'd only worked 6hrs.
Please just keep me and the boys in your prayers!

Train Ride

So, Jaden has been begging for the longest time to go on a train. We took him on the trolly downtown, but he wasn't fooled :) So, everyday when we go past the train rails, he asks, mommy when are we going to ride? Or he'll say, we need a ticket mommy to ride the train. We had made plans w/my mom and sister Melanie and her family to take the train to Chicago New Years day to go to Shedd's Aquarium. But, on Sunday, we discoverd the train we were planning on taking would cause our trip to Chicago take over 4hrs! So, then we started replanning everything. We ended up deciding to just take the train to BC New Years Eve so that Jaden could get his train ride. We were supposed to do the Aquarium New Years Day, only drive to save time. Well, it ended up just being me and the boys on the train to BC. Luckily we were able to sit in the snack car. The boys ate their McD's and enjoyed their freedom. They were both THRILLED w/the train ride! We ended up not going to Shedd's bc my sis backed out last minute, and my mom and I didn't want to drive just for the boys. Hopefully we'll try to make the trip another time. We took the boys to GR and let them play in the play land and ride the carosel. They still had a good day. Anyways, here's a pic of the boys and the train.