Christmas Time

Are we seriously at the end of another year? I know I've said this before, but I really wish life would have gone this quickly back when I was in grade school. Now, I wish it would slow down a bit. My babies are growing up way too quickly. Asher, I think, is willing to be my baby a little longer at least lol. Gotta love that boy :) Holidays are usually pretty hard for me. For me, they are a huge reminder of everything I don't have any more. And, I'm not talking the physical things. I'm referring to family, family traditions...things of that nature. I will say, I'm doing the best this year than I've done in quite a few years. Last year was a very dark one for me. Thank God I had my boys! They were the only things keeping me alive. This year, I think I've accepted things a little more, had a much lighter school load, and I started physical therapy to help deal w/the constant pain I was in. As I write at 12:53 in the morning, I still haven't found a cure for my insomnia though lol. Hopefully that will come in time too :) The boys are doing well. Had a really rough patch w/Asher a few weeks back when we told him we had to switch OTs. He seems to be over it, but we'll find out when he actually starts his new OT this week. Jaden is starting OT as well. I know J at least is excited about this new change. I also transformed half of the basement into a little therapy room for them as well. They'll be able to go down there and throw balls, punch their bags, and jump on the trampoline when needed. "Heavy work" as it's referred to seems to work well w/both of them. I'd like to get a swing, but we'll see how that plays out. Possibly by the end of next year, we could have an official new member to our little family. I'm currently in the process of becoming licensed to do foster care w/the intent to adopt. It's always been something that I've felt called to do. My vision was to wait till after school, but I really felt like God was saying it was time and to trust Him. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm all in! And honestly, it feels good. I know some people think I'm crazy, but really, is that anything new? lol. As I look back on this past year, I'm just extremely grateful! I'm grateful that my children have made the transition into public schools so smoothly. I absolutely love Jaden's teacher. She's just a God-send w/him. I'm thankful that my doctor prescribed physical therapy. I know that sounds weird, but I was so stressed, my muscles so tight, that I was in constant pain which did not make for a happy me. In just over a month, I've made great improvement. I'm thankful for the relationships that I've been building in my church family. I was finally able to do a Bible study, and just had a great group of ladies to be with. But mostly, I'm thankful for my family, blood and not blood. My friend Crystal has really been great at letting us join her for all the traditional "family times" through out the year. Our children get along pretty well, so you can't ask for much more than that. And, I'm thankful for my boys. As always, their goal is to see who can give mommy grey hair first, but I love the little boogers none the less. They really are my pride and joy, even if that sounds cliche. As the year ends, I hope that all of you have something good to look back upon, something to be thankful for. This year, I'm going to try to do a jar and put notes every time something good happens in our lives. Then at the end of the year, I can really get a grasp of everything God has done for my family. Praying that all of you reading this are well and enjoying the holidays w/your loved ones as well. Merry Christmas!

Dyslexia

So Jaden struggled a lot in 1st grade with pretty much every subject except math. The kid loves math. I had been pushing to get him privately tested for a learning disability since around Christmas, and once they told us they were thinking of holding him back in 1st grade, I was adamant about getting him tested. The school did their testing and said he didn't qualify for any special help and probably had ADD. At the beginning of June, I had Jaden tested by the neurologist that tested Asher back in the day because she is highly respected in her field, and I felt she wouldn't throw just any label on him. I was hesitant to say that he had ADD, but I wasn't sure if maybe I felt that way because he wasn't as extreme as Asher. But even after the first initial visit, the neurologist agreed w/me that it didn't appear to be ADD. Turns out Jaden has a good IQ, does not have ADD, but does have dyslexia. I had honestly been asking that since he was in kindergarten because he would write things backwards, but everyone said that was normal. It was also determined that he is behind in his fine motor skills and needs some occupational therapy. So.....I decided to take the kids out of charter schools since they didn't see any need to give Jaden the extra help he requires, and I'm putting both boys in the public schools. I have honestly given homeschooling a lot of thought, but not sure I have the patience it would require. That and I need to finish KVCC before I could consider homeschooling them. My mom is doing some homeschooling w/him over the summer, which he seems to be taking to. It is just good to finally know what is holding Jaden back academically, and I'm hopeful w/the right help, he will be back on track in no time! Being a single mom of two boys w/special needs can be challenging, and I often ask God if He doesn't think just maybe He gave me a little more than I can handle. But, I wouldn't trade my boys for the world! Hopefully both boys adjust well to the upcoming changes.

well i'm 30

I FINALLY made it to 30!! Who would have thought that in 30yrs I would have lived through SO MUCH?!! I know I've said it before, but I sometimes wonder how I made it. Only by the grace of God, I can tell you that!
So what do my 30s hold for me?? The possibilities are endless! A college degree for sure, maybe a new husband, hopefully my little girl, a house w/a fenced in backyard, and maybe even foster children. I honestly don't know what all God has in store, but that's what's on my heart.
And hopefully some healing not only for myself but for my family. I say all the time, there isn't a single person who came out of my home growing up who doesn't need counseling. What that healing will look like? I don't know. Chances are, it won't look like the majority of my family thinks it should look like. What I do know is, that you can't change people or make them want to change, you can only change yourself. So my 30's will be a continuation of me working on myself, and hopefully becoming more of the mother/friend/person I want to be.
Bye bye 20's, you will not be missed!!!

2012

Is it really a new year?? Hard to believe we made it through another year, or should I say, I made it through another year. The end of last year, put me in probably one of the darkest places I have been in quite some time. There were days, that if I hadn't had 2 little boys depending on me, I'm not sure I would have made it through to 2012. Thank God for all the prayers and support that was showered down on me during that time. And thank God for healing that could only come through Him.
Last year had a lot in it. Started out the year working at home and was let go in August. FINALLY moved into housing I'd been waiting for over 2yrs to get into. Started back to school, and got not one, not two, but FOUR 4.0's my first semester. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that one :) When I thought things couldn't get any worse w/my family, they did. Asher lost his first tooth. Jaden started cub scouts and LOVES it. There was a lot of change, a lot of hurt, and a lot of growth.
I'm still learning that you can't make anyone change, nor can you make them see the writing on the wall, especially when they know nothing else. You can only be responsible for yourself. I'm working on learning to forgive, not for anyone else, but for the freedom it'll bring to myself. Making me a better person, and more importantly a better mom. Really started zoning in on trying to learn unconditional love, and learning how to show love to my boys effectively.
For 2012, I'm trusting God for some miracles. He knows what I have on my heart, and He knows the great expectations I have. I'm hoping to keep my grades up, as I've set the bar pretty high for myself :) I'd really like to make it back to Florida again and have another family vacation as it's been 2yrs since our last. I'm turning 30 and looking forward to it!!! Really have some high hopes for 2012!
I pray that God not only blesses my family, but yours as well!! Here's some pictures to catch you up :)