With Christmas upon us, most of us, if we haven't already, can't wait to start decorating the tree and playing the Christmas music we love. To put the lights up, and get our nativity sets out to remind us of the real reason for Christmas. Lists are made, what to get for kids, spouse, family members. It's a time of love, traditions and family.
Unless of course you're in my family. This year, my family decided that since I won't allow my children to be around my abusive father, that they would vote me out of Christmas. Because obviously, in protecting myself and my children from any future harm, I'm choosing not to be apart of my family. This being really the one time of year my kids can count on seeing their cousins, is now being taken away from them. Merry Christmas, right?
While trying to not let the bitterness of the injustice overrule my life, I have to remind myself what is really important. Christmas truly is about celebrating the birth of Christ, and my children and I can do that with or without family present. It is about spreading Christ's love, which the boys have chosen to do a gift box for a child through church. And the most important thing of all is my boys. God couldn't have entrusted me with anything more precious, and the more for me if I don't have to share :)
My prayer for myself this Christmas season, is that God can help me overcome the bitterness that is trying to steal my joy and has stolen my joy for too long now. And that He will show me a love that can only come through Him. My prayer for everyone else is that you try to see things not through your eyes, and not necessarily through the eyes of others, though that helps. But that you can see through Christ's eyes, eyes of unconditional love and compassion.
Merry Christmas!
11.16.2011
10.27.2011
bragging rights
I get bragging rights every once in a while, right? I'm just so impressed w/how well all of us are doing this year in school. Jaden LOVES 1st grade. He really didn't like kindergarten so I was afraid he'd hate 1st grade even more. But, he hasn't gotten in trouble once and is averaging the grades I expected him to. Asher is loving kindergarten, though I must say I'm not surprised. He thrives on structure. The only thing I was worried about was that it was full day, bc he took naps all the way up to school. But, w/having his meds adjusted, he's able to make it just fine through the school day. All his teachers and even the lunch parents think he's just the cutest. I too am doing very well, surprisingly so. I'm at 100% in my accounting class for everything. Just confirms that accounting is where I should be! I'm in the 90s for my english and business class. I honestly don't know where I'm at for my sociology class. That class is a bit of a struggle, so I'd guess I'm in the lower 90s/higher 80s in that class.
I'm still not working. I'm focusing totally on schooling right now. I want to go FT and get my two years at KVCC done. There is a lady at my church who is going to be starting her business hopefully January of next year, and she's discussed about bringing me on when she starts. That would be awesome!! Not sure how, but God has been providing, and we're staying afloat. We are truly blessed!
I also started up a single mom's group at my church in the summer. No one showed for summer, but I've had one regular this fall. I'm switching my days which seemed to be the issue for a lot of people, and I have 2-4 possibilities to start coming. I'm SO excited!! I absolutely love my church, and while I know people, I didn't feel really connected. But starting this group as been a good growth step for me, and it's helped me get connected. I have some great ladies at church who are just an awesome support system for me. Really, I'm blessed!
I'm still not working. I'm focusing totally on schooling right now. I want to go FT and get my two years at KVCC done. There is a lady at my church who is going to be starting her business hopefully January of next year, and she's discussed about bringing me on when she starts. That would be awesome!! Not sure how, but God has been providing, and we're staying afloat. We are truly blessed!
I also started up a single mom's group at my church in the summer. No one showed for summer, but I've had one regular this fall. I'm switching my days which seemed to be the issue for a lot of people, and I have 2-4 possibilities to start coming. I'm SO excited!! I absolutely love my church, and while I know people, I didn't feel really connected. But starting this group as been a good growth step for me, and it's helped me get connected. I have some great ladies at church who are just an awesome support system for me. Really, I'm blessed!
9.12.2011
I am from a Masquarde
I am from a prison masquerading as a home
From no freedom and unspeakable abuse.
I am from Robert, my dad and Kathy, my mom
From walls that heard what outsiders weren't allowed.
I am from a family masquerading as Christians
From hypocrisy at it's finest.
I am from church every time the doors were open
From fake smiles to hide the fights on the way in.
I am from hour long lectures and sometimes just as long beatings
From near death at the hands of my father.
I am from "you're worthless, you can't do anything right"
From a loss of childhood.
I am from a grandmother who was the only one to stand up for me
From her early death, the loss of my hero.
I am from the death of my soul
From what could have, should have been the death of me.
I am from all of these things
But I am not dead.
I am alive, strong, and independent.
I am to my children what I never had
I am the end of a cycle, a survivor.
This is my first English assignment. I know it's taboo to speak of such things in public, but I thought it turned out really well. And it is what it is. This is my past, it can't be changed, and I am the person I am today because of it.
From no freedom and unspeakable abuse.
I am from Robert, my dad and Kathy, my mom
From walls that heard what outsiders weren't allowed.
I am from a family masquerading as Christians
From hypocrisy at it's finest.
I am from church every time the doors were open
From fake smiles to hide the fights on the way in.
I am from hour long lectures and sometimes just as long beatings
From near death at the hands of my father.
I am from "you're worthless, you can't do anything right"
From a loss of childhood.
I am from a grandmother who was the only one to stand up for me
From her early death, the loss of my hero.
I am from the death of my soul
From what could have, should have been the death of me.
I am from all of these things
But I am not dead.
I am alive, strong, and independent.
I am to my children what I never had
I am the end of a cycle, a survivor.
This is my first English assignment. I know it's taboo to speak of such things in public, but I thought it turned out really well. And it is what it is. This is my past, it can't be changed, and I am the person I am today because of it.
8.21.2011
it's official
I am officially done working! I worked last monday, had PTO the rest of the week, and now I'm done. It's a little scary, but for the next chapter in my life, I will be focusing on getting a degree and taking care of my boys. I honestly can not wait for my thirties, which (gasp) are literally just around the corner. There are hopefully going to be a lot of new beginnings.
So on Sept 6th, the boys and I will all have our first day of school Jaden will be in 1st grade, Asher in kindergarten, and I will be a freshman at college. My goal is to get my 2yr associates in accounting at KVCC and then an 18mo bachelors at Spring Arbor. I've always been good w/numbers, and it's something I actually enjoy. Customer service is just NOT for me. TruGreen and DirecTv have really jaded me. It's really made me realize that our culture has it's priorities totally screwed up! Everyone wants everything for free, they can't afford it but heaven forbid they live w/out it, and they're just rude. Honestly, I've lived w/out tv for several years, and I probably won't keep it now that I won't be getting it for free anymore. And lawn care...that would never be a priority for me. My motto was let it burn so I don't have to mow it lol. I know, I didn't have the prettiest lawn on the block, but honestly, I don't care.
Ok, enough of my venting :) Don't get me started...right? lol Honestly though, I feel like God finally put everything in order to make this possible. We finally live in a place where my rent will adjust to my income, so I don't have to worry about that. I have a good solid vehicle which I haven't been able to say in years. The boys are both in school, so I can take classes the same time they'll be in school. I just feel really blessed. Not many people get a chance like this. Most single moms would be working the FT job and going to school FT so they'd never see their kids. And anyone who knows me, knows that's NOT the life I ever want!! My kids drive me insane some days, but I wouldn't survive w/out having time w/them.
So wish me luck as I start this new journey in my life. Hopefully my 30s will bring a diploma, a job I enjoy, hopefully a husband, and who knows, maybe even my little girl :) But that's the fun of starting a new chapter in life, the possibilities are endless!!
So on Sept 6th, the boys and I will all have our first day of school Jaden will be in 1st grade, Asher in kindergarten, and I will be a freshman at college. My goal is to get my 2yr associates in accounting at KVCC and then an 18mo bachelors at Spring Arbor. I've always been good w/numbers, and it's something I actually enjoy. Customer service is just NOT for me. TruGreen and DirecTv have really jaded me. It's really made me realize that our culture has it's priorities totally screwed up! Everyone wants everything for free, they can't afford it but heaven forbid they live w/out it, and they're just rude. Honestly, I've lived w/out tv for several years, and I probably won't keep it now that I won't be getting it for free anymore. And lawn care...that would never be a priority for me. My motto was let it burn so I don't have to mow it lol. I know, I didn't have the prettiest lawn on the block, but honestly, I don't care.
Ok, enough of my venting :) Don't get me started...right? lol Honestly though, I feel like God finally put everything in order to make this possible. We finally live in a place where my rent will adjust to my income, so I don't have to worry about that. I have a good solid vehicle which I haven't been able to say in years. The boys are both in school, so I can take classes the same time they'll be in school. I just feel really blessed. Not many people get a chance like this. Most single moms would be working the FT job and going to school FT so they'd never see their kids. And anyone who knows me, knows that's NOT the life I ever want!! My kids drive me insane some days, but I wouldn't survive w/out having time w/them.
So wish me luck as I start this new journey in my life. Hopefully my 30s will bring a diploma, a job I enjoy, hopefully a husband, and who knows, maybe even my little girl :) But that's the fun of starting a new chapter in life, the possibilities are endless!!
7.10.2011
What do you think?
Asher Lee. Some days, that's all I have to say for someone to know what I mean. This child can drive me crazy!!! He is so similar to me, which is good and bad. One on hand, I understand him because we ARE so much alike. But then again, he drives me crazy because he DOES have my personality. He can melt my heart w/a look, but he can also get me beyond irritated. He daily is teaching me something new about myself and teaching me patience like I've never know before.
I say all the time that he's lucky I love him and that he's so cute because he has been a challenging child from birth. When he was an infant, I literally wanted to leave him on the side of the road at times. He cried all the time and never wanted to be comforted. As he got older, he seemed very mischievous, aggressive, and all around just like a very naughty child. In fact, most people would write him off as a very naughty child.
But, I have taken a lot of time to learn what makes him tick. Honestly, I wish my parents had done the same w/me, versus writing me off as a naughty child. Watching Asher grow and change as I learn what works best w/him has just been not only very rewarding but also bonded us. Still there are days like today, when I'd again be willing to put him out on the side of the road. Nothing I say gets through to him. He has a mind of his own. He's not listening. He's all over the place. He's down right frustrating!!
As I went to make a facebook status stating that he's lucky I love him unconditionally, it hit me. I wonder how often God feels the same about me? True, He already knows what makes me tick because He made me. But, He's constantly working w/me, trying to help me work through the rough edges, to use what can come off as bad for the good. Does He ever want to put me on the side of the road, or say I'm a lost cause??
All I can say is that I'm thankful I have a Father who loves me unconditionally, because if He weren't God He probably would feel the way I do. He'd probably want to bang His head against the wall and maybe He still does at times, who knows :)
This morning's message was about changing the way you think, which is really what I think God would have me be doing at this stage in my life. There are SO many things that were ingrained in me as a child. "Accept whatever a family member does because they're family." Using the "you have to forgive no matter what" as a get out of jail free card to literally put myself and my children in harms way. "You're fat." "You'll never get it." "You're divorced which not only makes you a failure but also makes you a bad mom." While I may have to love even my enemies because it's commanded, does not mean I have to live in a dysfunctional, harmful environment. While I maybe divorce, does not mean that I'm a bad mom. While my body isn't perfect, does not mean I can't be happy w/who I am. While I may struggle w/things, does not mean I'll never succeed. Nothing was ever good enough. Nothing was ever right. Those thought patterns have haunted me for 29 years. And while I've done a lot to get myself and my children out of negative environments, does not meant that those thoughts have not controlled my life hence hindering me to be fully what God has intended for me.
I pray that God will continue to have patience w/me as I try to change what was known into what He would have me know. That I am loved, that I am forgiven, that I am precious, that I was made by Him w/love, that no matter what I do, He will never leave my side.
So what have you learned about yourself lately and what is God trying to get through to you??
6.30.2011
6.11.2011
hello blogging world
Wow, I'm not sure if anyone still reads these. W/FB, who really needs to anymore?
Anyways, we have officially made it through the end of a school year. Asher made it through preschool. He was loved by his teachers and classmates. He decided through out the course of the year, that earth and recycling are his new thing, and hence blue and green are now his favorite colors. It's hard to say w/Asher whether or not we've made progress this year. Some days/weeks, I feel like he's doing good, and then we have our set backs which make me feel like we've lost all the progress we'd ever made. He hasn't gained any weight in the past year, in fact, he's lost a pound. His one meds that help focus cause him to not want to eat. So, he's on a med that helps him eat, but still he's not gaining. And then he has his meds that help him sleep. We went so long w/out medication, and now I'm beginning to feel like a pharmacy between all of us. But Asher w/meds is WAY better than Asher w/out meds. This year was the first year he actually made friends at school. And, his teachers only had 2 meltdowns from him all year which is a miracle! He still goes to OT once a week. He now goes through WMU, and we've been really impressed w/their program! Once summer hits, he'll be entering another program that helps w/social interaction. He'll be doing art which we think he'll thoroughly enjoy so maybe he won't realize he's being taught skills at the same time and not fight the system. I think he's ready for kindergarten. The question is, is kindergarten ready for him??
Jaden graduates kindergarten on Monday. He's SO ready to be done w/school. It is not his favorite place to be. The poor guy has a long 12years ahead of him :( He really struggled making friends this year which broke my heart. It's not that the kids don't like him, because they do. He's just SO sensitive! If something doesn't go his way, he feels like they don't like him anymore. And he has become extremely shy. I don't remember him ever being so shy. It's almost like him and Asher switched in that aspect. Because Asher used to HATE new places, but now he's not afraid of anything which isn't always the best. And Jaden isn't wanting to be left alone in unfamiliar places. He's getting so big! That boys is solid! I know he's going to play some type of sport, and I'm sure he'll be great at it. We're thinking of getting him into soccer in the fall.
We did finally move PRAISE GOD! Right as the end of my contract at the last place ended, I got the call that the place I'd been waiting on for 2.5 years was finally opened. We are SOOOO happy here!! I have a 3 bedroom townhome w/a basement. I have my washer/dryer back. No dishwasher, but I'm surviving :) I love being able to have the boys' toys downstairs, out of sight, out of mind. Plus, now that I took apart the bunkbeds, Asher actually sleeps in his bed all night because when he wakes up, he can see brother. I have parking every time I come home, the same spot, every time. There really isn't anything I dislike about the new place accept for that it doesn't have central a/c, but I'm making do w/my portable a/c's.
I do finally have a sitter that I absolutely adore. The first sitter gave Asher 3rd degree burns, the next lasted a week, the one after that was hired in as a temporary to buy me time, the one after that wanted a week off every month, and now we have Jessica. She handles the boys so well, she never complains, she's there when I need her, she thinks of the boys outside of the home. I just can't talk highly enough about her. I'm SO glad God brought her to us.
As for me, I'm still working from home. I'm currently working for DirecTv. And, while I LOVE working from home, not having to deal w/others attitudes and mistakes, and only being responsible for myself.....I HATE DirecTv. I just am not a good sales person. They have quotas up the wazoo we have to meet, and I'm just not hitting them. So...the goal is, come the fall, I'm going back to school FT. I am not getting ahead in life as far as jobs go. And, I'm stuck in a career field that I don't enjoy one bit at all. But, I can't get anything else, because it's all I have experience in. So, I applied for a grant, and I'm taking the money and going to KVCC for two years w/the plans to do an excelerated bachelor's degree at Spring Arbor. I'm hoping to find something that not only will pay the bills, but that I will actually enjoy. I'm tired of dreading going to work everyday. I go because I have to support my family, but I'd like to take joy in what I do. I'm starting a single mom's group at my church. I'm pretty excited about that. Hoping to make a some new friends and branch out a bit. I got a new car w/this year's tax refund. An '03 Honda Element. I LOVE IT!!! The seats fold completely flat against the walls which made it very handy when it came time to move. It's much better on gas, the boys have tons of foot room, and it's a stick shift so it's fun to drive. I'm thinking of starting Pampered Chef back up w/my mom if she's willing.
All in all, I'm ready for summer to be here, and I'm almost ready for it to be over. I've never looked forward to going back to school so much in my life. Praying that everything works out. Drop me a line to let me know if you still read from time to time. Maybe I'll try to keep it more up to date if I know someone actually still comes here :)
Anyways, we have officially made it through the end of a school year. Asher made it through preschool. He was loved by his teachers and classmates. He decided through out the course of the year, that earth and recycling are his new thing, and hence blue and green are now his favorite colors. It's hard to say w/Asher whether or not we've made progress this year. Some days/weeks, I feel like he's doing good, and then we have our set backs which make me feel like we've lost all the progress we'd ever made. He hasn't gained any weight in the past year, in fact, he's lost a pound. His one meds that help focus cause him to not want to eat. So, he's on a med that helps him eat, but still he's not gaining. And then he has his meds that help him sleep. We went so long w/out medication, and now I'm beginning to feel like a pharmacy between all of us. But Asher w/meds is WAY better than Asher w/out meds. This year was the first year he actually made friends at school. And, his teachers only had 2 meltdowns from him all year which is a miracle! He still goes to OT once a week. He now goes through WMU, and we've been really impressed w/their program! Once summer hits, he'll be entering another program that helps w/social interaction. He'll be doing art which we think he'll thoroughly enjoy so maybe he won't realize he's being taught skills at the same time and not fight the system. I think he's ready for kindergarten. The question is, is kindergarten ready for him??
Jaden graduates kindergarten on Monday. He's SO ready to be done w/school. It is not his favorite place to be. The poor guy has a long 12years ahead of him :( He really struggled making friends this year which broke my heart. It's not that the kids don't like him, because they do. He's just SO sensitive! If something doesn't go his way, he feels like they don't like him anymore. And he has become extremely shy. I don't remember him ever being so shy. It's almost like him and Asher switched in that aspect. Because Asher used to HATE new places, but now he's not afraid of anything which isn't always the best. And Jaden isn't wanting to be left alone in unfamiliar places. He's getting so big! That boys is solid! I know he's going to play some type of sport, and I'm sure he'll be great at it. We're thinking of getting him into soccer in the fall.
We did finally move PRAISE GOD! Right as the end of my contract at the last place ended, I got the call that the place I'd been waiting on for 2.5 years was finally opened. We are SOOOO happy here!! I have a 3 bedroom townhome w/a basement. I have my washer/dryer back. No dishwasher, but I'm surviving :) I love being able to have the boys' toys downstairs, out of sight, out of mind. Plus, now that I took apart the bunkbeds, Asher actually sleeps in his bed all night because when he wakes up, he can see brother. I have parking every time I come home, the same spot, every time. There really isn't anything I dislike about the new place accept for that it doesn't have central a/c, but I'm making do w/my portable a/c's.
I do finally have a sitter that I absolutely adore. The first sitter gave Asher 3rd degree burns, the next lasted a week, the one after that was hired in as a temporary to buy me time, the one after that wanted a week off every month, and now we have Jessica. She handles the boys so well, she never complains, she's there when I need her, she thinks of the boys outside of the home. I just can't talk highly enough about her. I'm SO glad God brought her to us.
As for me, I'm still working from home. I'm currently working for DirecTv. And, while I LOVE working from home, not having to deal w/others attitudes and mistakes, and only being responsible for myself.....I HATE DirecTv. I just am not a good sales person. They have quotas up the wazoo we have to meet, and I'm just not hitting them. So...the goal is, come the fall, I'm going back to school FT. I am not getting ahead in life as far as jobs go. And, I'm stuck in a career field that I don't enjoy one bit at all. But, I can't get anything else, because it's all I have experience in. So, I applied for a grant, and I'm taking the money and going to KVCC for two years w/the plans to do an excelerated bachelor's degree at Spring Arbor. I'm hoping to find something that not only will pay the bills, but that I will actually enjoy. I'm tired of dreading going to work everyday. I go because I have to support my family, but I'd like to take joy in what I do. I'm starting a single mom's group at my church. I'm pretty excited about that. Hoping to make a some new friends and branch out a bit. I got a new car w/this year's tax refund. An '03 Honda Element. I LOVE IT!!! The seats fold completely flat against the walls which made it very handy when it came time to move. It's much better on gas, the boys have tons of foot room, and it's a stick shift so it's fun to drive. I'm thinking of starting Pampered Chef back up w/my mom if she's willing.
All in all, I'm ready for summer to be here, and I'm almost ready for it to be over. I've never looked forward to going back to school so much in my life. Praying that everything works out. Drop me a line to let me know if you still read from time to time. Maybe I'll try to keep it more up to date if I know someone actually still comes here :)
1.20.2011
arguing w/God
Ok, here's my open and honest moment of this week....have you ever found a verse that you really wish you could argue w/God about but know you'd lose so it's pointless?? Yeah, I've been doing a lot of research during my time off from FB regarding certain things, and I found this scripture and wish it wouldn't be futile to argue about it.
2Corinthians 6: 14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16 And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
I always thought I knew the jist of this portion of scripture, but actually reading it made me realize I was a tad off. Ugggg!
2Corinthians 6: 14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16 And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
I always thought I knew the jist of this portion of scripture, but actually reading it made me realize I was a tad off. Ugggg!
1.18.2011
just past a week
I am 1day past a week into my 21day fast. Along w/this fast, my pastor is doing a sermon series on seeking God, and I also just started a Beth Moore Bible study on the fruit of the Spirit. I must say this has been a powerful month so far, and we're only half way through it.
Convergys did offer me a job. At first they offered us a PT position w/a $2 an hr pay cut, that would fluctuate between 8a and 8p. Not the best scenario on many levels. After several of us emailed the recruiter asking if there was anything FT available to us, they changed the job to FT, but same pay same hours. I have yet to find a replacement babysitter, and you can only imagine how frustrating finding someone who could work w/those hours was for me. I would need someone who was willing to get the boys off to school, have 3hrs of free time, and then come back to get Asher off the bus. Nothing would be consistent, and well, no one could do the job. On the day I had my interview, I was telling the recruiter my predicament, and he told me that there was another shift available. That I could work between the hours of 2p-1a. Yeah, not the ideal hours, but it solved the problem of needing a sitter to be SO flexible. Since Shaun and I split almost 4yrs ago, this past 6mos has been the only time frame which I have worked days. I've always had to work nights because Shaun doesn't, and it's the only way to make daycare feasible for us.
I still do not have a babysitter. I have two ladies who are helping out just to buy me more time to interview. The drive for them is so long, that what I pay barely covers their gas, but Cat said she would do this for me because she wanted my boys to have someone who would be good, not just someone who would fill the position. I'm VERY thankful for them!!
Jaden is doing much better in school since Christmas break. Before Christmas break, he was on red at school for quite some time. We'd punished him every way we knew how, but it didn't seem to make a difference. After break, he's been on green every day. Maybe he just needed that break to recoup?
Asher had a sleep study down this week. We're thinking that he's not getting a deep enough sleep, which may also factor into many of his other issues. This child has definitely been a challenge, and I've been to more doctor's than I ever dreamed I would be. But, he is also the biggest blessing, and the biggest insight into my own life. I see so much of me in him. I just feel like I understand him like no one else can because we ARE so much alike. I love my boys!!
As for me personally, there is one issue in particular that I'm really struggling with. It's a door that I thought was closed, but was reopened by someone else. Now, I have to decide if it's God's will that I continue down that road, or if it's the devil trying to temp me during this time of rededicating my life. I'm really praying that God will lay it heavy on my heart so that there is NO misunderstanding, what His will is for me in this situation!
Convergys did offer me a job. At first they offered us a PT position w/a $2 an hr pay cut, that would fluctuate between 8a and 8p. Not the best scenario on many levels. After several of us emailed the recruiter asking if there was anything FT available to us, they changed the job to FT, but same pay same hours. I have yet to find a replacement babysitter, and you can only imagine how frustrating finding someone who could work w/those hours was for me. I would need someone who was willing to get the boys off to school, have 3hrs of free time, and then come back to get Asher off the bus. Nothing would be consistent, and well, no one could do the job. On the day I had my interview, I was telling the recruiter my predicament, and he told me that there was another shift available. That I could work between the hours of 2p-1a. Yeah, not the ideal hours, but it solved the problem of needing a sitter to be SO flexible. Since Shaun and I split almost 4yrs ago, this past 6mos has been the only time frame which I have worked days. I've always had to work nights because Shaun doesn't, and it's the only way to make daycare feasible for us.
I still do not have a babysitter. I have two ladies who are helping out just to buy me more time to interview. The drive for them is so long, that what I pay barely covers their gas, but Cat said she would do this for me because she wanted my boys to have someone who would be good, not just someone who would fill the position. I'm VERY thankful for them!!
Jaden is doing much better in school since Christmas break. Before Christmas break, he was on red at school for quite some time. We'd punished him every way we knew how, but it didn't seem to make a difference. After break, he's been on green every day. Maybe he just needed that break to recoup?
Asher had a sleep study down this week. We're thinking that he's not getting a deep enough sleep, which may also factor into many of his other issues. This child has definitely been a challenge, and I've been to more doctor's than I ever dreamed I would be. But, he is also the biggest blessing, and the biggest insight into my own life. I see so much of me in him. I just feel like I understand him like no one else can because we ARE so much alike. I love my boys!!
As for me personally, there is one issue in particular that I'm really struggling with. It's a door that I thought was closed, but was reopened by someone else. Now, I have to decide if it's God's will that I continue down that road, or if it's the devil trying to temp me during this time of rededicating my life. I'm really praying that God will lay it heavy on my heart so that there is NO misunderstanding, what His will is for me in this situation!
1.16.2011
All the Poor and Powerless
The version my church does is WAY better than this one, but this is my new favorite worship song!
1.10.2011
Day 1
So this is the first day of my church's 21day fast. This year I did a comfort fast. When I asked God what it would be He'd have me give up in order to spend more time w/Him and doing as He would have me, the answer was obvious. I gave up Facebook. As many of you know, I now live on Facebook especially now that I work from home and our phones are so dead.
It's funny how isolated I feel. Makes me wonder how I lived before FB existed since I've become so dependent upon it. But isn't that kinda the point? The first thing I do when I have news or am in need is go to FB. Have I let FB take place of going to God? Shouldn't He be the first one I go to w/things in my life??
It's funny how isolated I feel. Makes me wonder how I lived before FB existed since I've become so dependent upon it. But isn't that kinda the point? The first thing I do when I have news or am in need is go to FB. Have I let FB take place of going to God? Shouldn't He be the first one I go to w/things in my life??
1.09.2011
Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger
After 3yrs, this ones dedicated to you babe! 17days and counting...
1.01.2011
Reflecting
I guess this is the time of year when you think on the past year and more importantly on what you want for the new year. This year has not been void of it's up's and downs.
I started the year off w/out a job, devoting my time and energy to the boys. Jaden was finally released from his ENT after having his 4th surgery on his ears w/a clean bill of health! He also started wearing glasses which is still a challenge to get him to remember. Asher was released from speech therapy this school year. He continues to go to occupational therapy. He was diagnosed w/ADHD and a mood disorder. After looking into many other options and thinking long and hard, we decided to put Asher on meds. The changes I have seen in him has been amazing! He's able to focus on things a lot better. He can finish complete thoughts. He's much more controlled. He actually has friends this year at school! His teacher's love him. It just makes me so happy to see him flourish!
Half way through the year, I started my job w/Convergys. Working at home has been great!! I've really enjoyed getting to have the boys around. I get to see them on my breaks, and recently w/our phones being so dead, they're in and out of my room all the time interacting w/me.
I will say God has obviously been w/me all year, but the end of this year, especially this last month, His presence has been very obvious. I was told in November that I would possibly be losing my job again in January. I found out through unemployment that if at anytime during December I lost my job, that I would not be approved for unemployment. Obviously, that has been a huge fear of mine because of how slow our business has been that I would get laid off w/out the option of unemployment. But, it is January and not only have I not been laid off, but the odds of me getting assigned a new position is pretty good. Only thing is, the next job I get will probably be anywhere between a $2-$3 pay cut which would have been devastating for me.
Also in November, I got news that the housing I'd been waiting for for almost 2 years had denied my application. The housing was income based and would fluctuate based on what I was making at the time. Not only that, but it's a town house w/3 bedrooms and a basement. It would have been a huge blessing. So, not only was I facing losing my job but at the same time, found out the housing I'd been praying for had been denied. Well, I being the stubborn person that I am, submitted an appeal to their decision and put all my prayer warriors on it. I found out 4 days ago that my appeal was approved! The boys and I will now have a place to live that we won't lose if in fact I do lose my job.
And to top off the end of the year, my babysitter gave Asher 2nd degree burns on his foot. It was a complete accident, due to her stupidity, but an accident none the less. But the real problem was that she lied about it, and when Asher told me the truth, she still lied about it. And while I was considering what to do, she decided to quit giving me absolutely no notice. So I had Christmas break to find a sitter. I had only two interviews. One I thought for certain was the one I wanted, and the other I was unsure about. The one I was uncertain of turned out to really impress me. The one I thought I wanted never even came through for her interview. So I was down to one candidate whom I really did want, but I had a scare when she didn't respond to my message about the job offer, that I was going to be w/out a babysitter. But at the very last minute, she called back and accepted the position. The boys are thrilled!
I have just been praising God left and right this past month for everything He has done in my life. There are still uncertainties for 2011, but after all of this, I know God will see me through it all! God is good all the time and all the time God is good!
I started the year off w/out a job, devoting my time and energy to the boys. Jaden was finally released from his ENT after having his 4th surgery on his ears w/a clean bill of health! He also started wearing glasses which is still a challenge to get him to remember. Asher was released from speech therapy this school year. He continues to go to occupational therapy. He was diagnosed w/ADHD and a mood disorder. After looking into many other options and thinking long and hard, we decided to put Asher on meds. The changes I have seen in him has been amazing! He's able to focus on things a lot better. He can finish complete thoughts. He's much more controlled. He actually has friends this year at school! His teacher's love him. It just makes me so happy to see him flourish!
Half way through the year, I started my job w/Convergys. Working at home has been great!! I've really enjoyed getting to have the boys around. I get to see them on my breaks, and recently w/our phones being so dead, they're in and out of my room all the time interacting w/me.
I will say God has obviously been w/me all year, but the end of this year, especially this last month, His presence has been very obvious. I was told in November that I would possibly be losing my job again in January. I found out through unemployment that if at anytime during December I lost my job, that I would not be approved for unemployment. Obviously, that has been a huge fear of mine because of how slow our business has been that I would get laid off w/out the option of unemployment. But, it is January and not only have I not been laid off, but the odds of me getting assigned a new position is pretty good. Only thing is, the next job I get will probably be anywhere between a $2-$3 pay cut which would have been devastating for me.
Also in November, I got news that the housing I'd been waiting for for almost 2 years had denied my application. The housing was income based and would fluctuate based on what I was making at the time. Not only that, but it's a town house w/3 bedrooms and a basement. It would have been a huge blessing. So, not only was I facing losing my job but at the same time, found out the housing I'd been praying for had been denied. Well, I being the stubborn person that I am, submitted an appeal to their decision and put all my prayer warriors on it. I found out 4 days ago that my appeal was approved! The boys and I will now have a place to live that we won't lose if in fact I do lose my job.
And to top off the end of the year, my babysitter gave Asher 2nd degree burns on his foot. It was a complete accident, due to her stupidity, but an accident none the less. But the real problem was that she lied about it, and when Asher told me the truth, she still lied about it. And while I was considering what to do, she decided to quit giving me absolutely no notice. So I had Christmas break to find a sitter. I had only two interviews. One I thought for certain was the one I wanted, and the other I was unsure about. The one I was uncertain of turned out to really impress me. The one I thought I wanted never even came through for her interview. So I was down to one candidate whom I really did want, but I had a scare when she didn't respond to my message about the job offer, that I was going to be w/out a babysitter. But at the very last minute, she called back and accepted the position. The boys are thrilled!
I have just been praising God left and right this past month for everything He has done in my life. There are still uncertainties for 2011, but after all of this, I know God will see me through it all! God is good all the time and all the time God is good!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
