So today has been a day full of wants and then rejection. One of the girls that used to work at my office came in to show her little girl Emma off, and she's SO CUTE! I want a little girl SO BAD. I know I should be happy that I have two healthy little boys, but I can't help myself. On one hand, I know I'm not in any position to be having another baby being that I'm a single mom. But then the other part of me says if I had $1000 to spend, why not impregnate myself and have another one. Really, what's one more? I know crazy talk, but still thoughts that go through my head. And it doesn't help that when I walk past a mirror I look like I'm 3months preggo simply because I've gained weight for no apparent reason that I can't lose to save my life. I've start exercising which I NEVER do, and I've been drinking water which I HATE. My doctor says it's stress, and that she's honestly surprised I don't weigh more w/everything I've dealt w/over the past couple years. But, sadly, that doesn't make me feel any better about anything!
Then there's work. I wanted SO BAD to get off nights and work days. I deserve it, right? I've worked nights since I went back after having Asher because I'm always the one to work around daycare needs of the boys. But I HATE working nights! I hate that I really only see my boys when putting them to bed at nights and long enough to feed them breakfast in the mornings. I hate not being able to have any social life because I work till 9 at nights. Of course, I realize that being a single mom puts a cramp on my social life as it is but my work schedule only increases it. And, I realize I should be thankful that 1. I even HAVE a job and 2. that my job is very flexible w/me and my needs, but still....
Then there's my van. It has so many quirks. I really thought getting a newer vehicle would help solve all the mechanical issues I'd been having, but nope. I mean none of them are major. The van still drives great. The a/c works which is HUGE for me. It's not falling apart. It's just annoying little things that on a day like today just get to you.
And of course, there's more but I think I've whined enough for today. I guess today someone should tell me to be thankful for what I have been given and stop being so ungrateful. I know God has provided for me, and even when He closes doors, that He has other plans for me. Just days like today get to me. I'll stop whining now and cuddle up to my youngest. Blessings to all!
8.26.2009
8.05.2009
HELP!
I seriously think I'm raising the devil child, and I'm at the end of my rope! Asher has always been an unhappy child.
He was colicky for the first 6mos of his life. We wondered if he'd ever grow out of the screaming 24-7. There were many times I wanted to literally put him on the side of the road for someone to come get. And, I know that sounds aweful, but when you have such a miserable child, it does cross your mind.
And now, while he's still pretty miserable, he's also just naughty. He doesn't care about anything or anyone, just does what he wants. I've tried time outs, spanking, taking his favorite blanket away, and now I'm even doing a chart where he can earn prizes. Or for instance, he's still trying to earn back tv which he hasn't had in 2wks now. I just don't know what to do w/him! He sometimes gets in trouble at preschool because he knows really there's nothing they can do about it. I mean, I'm afraid he'll get kicked out if he keeps it up! I don't give in to him, he's definitely grown up hearing the word no, he's not spoiled. What am I doing wrong?!?
I refuse to have spoiled brats as kids who never hear the word no and throw tantrums when they don't get their way. I've seen that, and not only does it annoy the crap out of me, but I also know those parent's are going to have a LOT of trouble on their hands when those kids get older. Because if they're that bad as a kid and you do nothing, they'll only get worse. And I'm not one of those parent's that live by the "kids should be seen and not heard" theory either. I realize my kids are 3 & 4, that they're going to have energy and get into trouble, but that doesn't mean there can't be some discipline. I'm not trying to create him into the perfect angel child who says the right things, cries on cue, and never speaks out of turn. I've seen that too, and it might be even worse than dealing w/Asher as he is now bc it's just a show and not real. I want him to be real and be allowed to express himself, but I want to get through to him what is and is not appropriate. And how do you do that when nothing seems to work??? Any ideas out there, please!?!?
He was colicky for the first 6mos of his life. We wondered if he'd ever grow out of the screaming 24-7. There were many times I wanted to literally put him on the side of the road for someone to come get. And, I know that sounds aweful, but when you have such a miserable child, it does cross your mind.
And now, while he's still pretty miserable, he's also just naughty. He doesn't care about anything or anyone, just does what he wants. I've tried time outs, spanking, taking his favorite blanket away, and now I'm even doing a chart where he can earn prizes. Or for instance, he's still trying to earn back tv which he hasn't had in 2wks now. I just don't know what to do w/him! He sometimes gets in trouble at preschool because he knows really there's nothing they can do about it. I mean, I'm afraid he'll get kicked out if he keeps it up! I don't give in to him, he's definitely grown up hearing the word no, he's not spoiled. What am I doing wrong?!?
I refuse to have spoiled brats as kids who never hear the word no and throw tantrums when they don't get their way. I've seen that, and not only does it annoy the crap out of me, but I also know those parent's are going to have a LOT of trouble on their hands when those kids get older. Because if they're that bad as a kid and you do nothing, they'll only get worse. And I'm not one of those parent's that live by the "kids should be seen and not heard" theory either. I realize my kids are 3 & 4, that they're going to have energy and get into trouble, but that doesn't mean there can't be some discipline. I'm not trying to create him into the perfect angel child who says the right things, cries on cue, and never speaks out of turn. I've seen that too, and it might be even worse than dealing w/Asher as he is now bc it's just a show and not real. I want him to be real and be allowed to express himself, but I want to get through to him what is and is not appropriate. And how do you do that when nothing seems to work??? Any ideas out there, please!?!?
8.02.2009
it's time
In a coulple weeks, Shaun will move out of the house we bought together over 6yrs ago. I can't say I'm sad about it. Our neighbors on the one side weren't the best. They've burnt holes in our fence, thrown rocks at our dogs, spray painted the side of the house and egged the front of it. I was thankful to have moved out a year ago and will be happy to see the boys move out of it as well. Not to mention the toilet is aweful, and the sink is always clogged no matter what. Oh, and did I mention that it's SMALL! It was the perfect size when we moved in just the two of us, but add two boys, and you're like, what was I thinking?!? Lol. So today, we had a garage sale to get rid of all the junk we'd collected over the years, and we must have had a lot of junk too bc we did VERY well :) I feel bad about missing church, and I was looking forward to hearing Pastor Lee preach after him being gone for 3wks. This was very last notice, due to Shaun finally deciding where he wants to live and getting approved to move in so quickly. And I never have Saturdays off, and I didn't want to have the garage sale by myself. So since he already had today off, we just decided that today was the day to have it. And what a good day it turned out to be. I don't think I've ever made over $20 at a garage sale, but even after splitting the profits, buying dinner, and setting aside money for a new booster for Jaden, I walked away w/over triple that. I'm burnt but not complaining. The boys are exhausted and were filthy! They've since had baths which is where I'll be going soon (trying to get Asher to fall asleep first but that may not happen). Hope everyone had a great Sunday!
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