church today

here are the random things I learned today:

True confession = telling God the same thing He already sees

Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to the heart...so to change any relationship you first need to change your thoughts which will change your feelings and lead to a change of heart.

David wasn't a man after God's own heart bc he was perfect and never had bad thoughts but bc when he did have his many bad thoughts, he took them to God and allowed Him to work through them.

God knows what's best for us even if it means holding us down for the doctor to put a mean painful needle in our wound.

Eye Surgeon Appt

Jaden goes to see his eye surgeon on Thursday. I'm hoping we'll finally do something so that his vision doesn't get any worse. Hopefully when we get his hearing and vision under control, he'll be able to get on track developmentally. He's so cute though, he has a girlfriend at daycare. Today he told me he had a secret. He said "I love Taylor the most in the whole world!" He showed me how he picks her up and twirls her around. Even the teachers have told me that they both consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Mostly I think it's adorable, but one part of me says, really, my 4yr old wants to have a girlfriend at such a young age?!?

Asher is also doing well at daycare. I'd say he's officially potty trained now...WOO HOO. The only accidents he has now are if he doesn't aim correctly. He's also coming out of his shell a bit, actually a lot. Shaun and I were just commenting on how he used to be so shy and hate everything. And while he still isn't the most cheerful little person you've ever met, he's definitely not shy anymore. The kid knows no fear, and actually is starting to enjoy the outdoors which we NEVER thought would happen. We can't decide if he's going to be a nerd, class clown, goth, or playground bully.

The two of them can be tiresome due to their never ending energy supply, but they will always be the joys of my life!

my dad was sentenced

So my dad was officially charged w/4th degre child abuse for what he did to Jaden, and last Wednesday we went to court for his sentencing. He claims he's sorry though he failed to apologize the day it happened when Shaun picked them up, and has yet to try to apologize even through email which would be really the only other way since I'm still refusing to have contact w/him. Just being in the same room as him made me want to puke and run from the room! The thought that he could do that to me my whole life is one thing that I've been dealing for quite some time, but the fact that he could in turn do that to my child just hits me to my core. But, I was there in court and actually ended up sitting straight across from him bc I wanted him know that I'm still very serious about everything that happened. Shaun, of course, was there as well for the same reasons. The judge sentenced him to 18 months of probation during which time he'll pay a combined $700 in fees, he'll be drug tested, he'll continue w/counseling, and he'll have absolutely nothing to do w/Jaden.

Now, I will not lie and say I've found forgiveness in my heart for my dad because I haven't yet. But, this does make me sad. Out of both boys, I'd say Jaden and my dad were probably the closest bc Jaden liked going outside and working around the house w/dad. And now, Jaden wants nothing to do w/dad. He just randomly brings up how papa "spanked" him and how he never wants to go see him. And yes, we leave it at my dad "spanked" him bc he is young and maybe one day when he's older, he'll want to have a relationship w/my dad. And it's sad bc through all of this, we're pretty well isolated from my family. And while everyone except for Melanie's family have come to visit w/them since it happened, our whole routine has changed. They went from spending every Sunday w/the whole family and most evenings w/my moom and dad, to only seeing people here or there. It's sad how one person's choices can have consequences on such a wide level. Because even after I find forgiveness and even after the probation is up and even after the boys have gotten older, I'm not sure the trust level will ever be there, and I'm pretty sure the relationship will never be the same. Sad for everyone :(

Chicago

I FINALLY have my internet back. A lot has happened. I went to Chicago w/Brian for my belated bday present, the verdict is in on my dad's sentencing for the abuse on Jaden, we celebrated the 4th of July, and the boys and I had a day at the beach. I don't have the 4th of July nor the day at the beach pics downloaded yet, so I'll just share the Chicago trip. I had a BLAST! It was the first time I'd been to Chicago for anything other than taking the boys to the aquarium. We did a lot of walking and saw a lot of cool things. We went to the Cheesecake Factory a couple times, and I learned that I actually do like cheesecake. We went to Navy Pier a few times. We went up the John Hancock Observatory. Mostly we just walked and walked. By the end of the weekend, I was exhausted but SO glad I got away. Here are some of the pictures I took. Hope you enjoy.
let's go

the view from our first room in which the a/c didn't work very well

the view from our 2nd room where we finally had working a/c

just walking around










from the John Hancock Observatory














the start of day 2

the park






Navy Pier






us