Ann Arbor tomorrow

Well, we go to Ann Arbor tomorrow for Jaden's eye appointment. Speaking of which, I need to print off directions :) I'm praying that we'll get something concrete, more then, come back again next month. I seriously have no clue what they're going to do for him. A patch/surgery, who knows. Pray that we have safe travels and that everything goes well! Asher is going to stay w/my mom so we can focus solely on J. And, when his appointment is done, we're gonna go visit the in-laws. I'm a little nervous, but anxious for tomorrow to be here as well.

Poison Control

So yesterday was my 1st call to poison control! Jaden had been put down for a nap, but he was playing as always. I'd gone in there I don't know how many times, but he doesn't care. He had been quiet, and I actually thought maybe he was on his way to sleep. Then I heard him. He was crying. I thought maybe he'd just fallen or something while obviously playing around, so at 1st I kinda ignored him, but he kept crying. So, I went to check on him. He was standing there w/this white stuff all down the front of him, and he was rubbing his eyes. At 1st, I didn't have a clue what it was, so I went over to him. Asher was in his crib, and he was holding a bottle. A bottle of shampoo! When Jaden was 1st born, a friend of mine had bought me some baby shampoo, but I had never heard of the name brand. So, I didn't use it. Well, I had put it in their closet (which is TRASHED by the way, so I have NO CLUE how he found it!!), and I had totally forgotten that it was there. Well, evidentally he had found it, he'd dumped it all over himself, and was now rubbing it in his eyes!!! I didn't know if he'd swallowed any of it (though I'm assuming he did since he puked twice), but I for sure knew that it was in his eyes and that alone wasn't good! So, I'm searching for the PC number. Everything says to call PC, but nothing had the number actually on the bottle. Finally, I found it in my phone book. I know, bad mommy!!, I SO should have that number at min programed in my phone!!! I called, Jaden's eyes were red and swollen at this point. She told me to hold him under the shower for 15mins, which he hated! She also told me he would probably puke if he drank it, which he did. She called back in an hr to make sure he was back to normal, which he was THANK GOD!!! I was so scared!! So, I had to RE-babyproof his room!!

Some thoughts

Last week, I started going to a new Bible study at my church. We're doing the book "Having a Mary Spirit". I wasn't sure what it was about, or what I would get out of it. After reading just the 1st two chapters, I'm very glad God led me to go!! Here are some quotes from the book that spoke to me, along w/my responses to some of the questions it asked. I'm sure I'll have more to come as the weeks go by!

"God never withholds good except when He has something better to give."

"We have a Savior who loves us just as we are, but loves us too much to leave us that way."

"He only makes us feel uneasy w/where we are so we're willing to do whatever it takes to get where He is."

"There were approximately 586 shades of white to choose from. 586! You could spend a lifetime trying to get just the right sahd. And some of us do."

"Christ offers us a fresh start. A clean slate. A 'personal whitewash' so white that the human mind cannot comprehend, but only receive it."

"My deepest fear is waking up 20yrs from now still the same woman I am today. W/the same annoying habits and petty attitueds; w/the same besetting sins and false beliefs. I can't imagine anything more terrible than getting to the end of my life only to discover that God had som much more in mind for me- more freedom, more joy, more peace, more true effectivness. And I had missed it all simply bc I refused to change."

I see God as actively involved in my life, but currently I see Him as my tester. How much can Holly take? I feel like he is trying to break me.....WOW....He wants to break me! Exactly what I've been praying for, but I have been fighting Him every step of the way. He's been doing exactly what I asked, and I've been too stubborn, too self absorbed, and too self-loathing to see it. WOW!! What to do now? How do I let Him break me? How do I trust that everything will turn out ok? That's what He wants, my complete trust in Him. For me to rely soley on His leading, on His understanding, on His love. To put away myself. What a scary thought! What an uneasy feeling. Should trusting God so completely be so scary and foreign? What does that say about me and myrelationship w/God? What does that say about ME?????

It's hard to give myself "no further uneasiness" about confessed sins. Does thta mean that I don't trust God to fully forgive and forget? Does that mean I don't see myself as being forgivable?? What a mess I am!!


I hope that something spoke to your heart as God has spoken to my heart. I hope that my openness and honesty has encouraged someone. I'm not looking for pats on the back. Currently, I feel so far from what God would have me be, but I'm going to try to learn to lean on Him and let Him lead me. What a scary and unfamiliar road I am about to travel!

Jaden, the Model

This is Jaden's I'm so sexy pose...

I don't know what made him think to stick his hand in his pocket, but he did, and I thought it was cute. His hair is wet bc he just got out of the bath.

He's getting such character these days. Yesterday, he was yelling at us, not saying words that were understandable, but definitely using hand gestures to try to get his point across. I just had to laugh. If you ask him how old he is, and ask him is he's 1, he'll say "2". We're not sure where he learned that from, but it's his response. Not too long and it will be true, but for now it's cute :)

Asher is just getting too big too! I was changing Jaden, and Asher was laying on the floor next to me. I had my legs bent, so he wrapped his legs around my leg and sat himself up! That kid has got some stomach muscles, I'm telling you!

New Years Resolutions

I never follow through w/any resolutions, but if I were to make a list, this is what it might look like:
1. Keep my current weight, tone up a bit, maybe loose a little more, but definitely not gain weight.
2. Work on keeping a tidier house, though I have gotten better in the last few weeks. I can always be better though!
3. Work on my relationship w/Shaun.
4. Most importantly, work on my relationship w/God!