Preliminary Evaluations

So the boys had their preliminary evaluations today. Jaden did so good at listening and doing as he was directed. I could tell he got frustrated from time to time. He would sigh and put his hand to his face. I was so proud of him for what he did know, my heart hurt for him when I could see him struggling, and I learned a few things about him that I didn't know. He was in the middle for about everything, but they're having him meet w/the OT and speech therapist anyways. He goes back in October.
Then there's Asher. I don't know what's changed or going on w/him, but these past weeks he's become unbearable. He's really acting out, I mean BAD! I'm pretty much at my whits end w/him. He's even acting out enough at school that he was told he can't go on their field trip tomorrow. Anyways, I'm getting ahead of my story. Asher had his evaluations today. He's doing fine developmentally, but he's meeting w/the speech therapist next week. I have a strong feeling he will be having speech therapy. But while we were there the lady mentioned they do psych evaluations, and of course, I said sign Asher up for anger management classes...lol Anyways, she said it was only for things that affect school, and I said, well he's going to get himself kicked out of preschool w/his behavior. Anyways, she gave me the name of this lady who actually has a program called "keep my child in preschool". So I gave her a call today and left a message. I'm not sure what exactly she does, but I'm excited to start seeking some outside help/advice for Asher. I've tried everything I can think of. I pray about him everytime I say my prayers. He's only getting worse. I try talking to him, but if he really understands what it is thats bothering him, he won't tell me.
I also had an appointment this week. Actually, I have one tomorrow too. I had blood work done yesterday to see if maybe I'm having thyroid issues, but now that I'm writing this, I realize they were supposed to call today if there was something wrong. So, I guess nothing is wrong w/my thyroid which means that it's stress. Which really doesn't make me feel any better because I don't think any new medication is going to cure that from my life. Tomorrow I meet w/my gyno, and if all turns out good, I'll start going yearly to have check ups on the cervical cancer. My doctor is fairly certain all will be good.
Please surround my family w/prayer because we need a lot of it! I truly don't know how much more I can take at this poing in my life. It seems like I can never catch a break, and even when I do, it's only a matter of time before it's taken right out from underneith me again. There is a lot of things, a lot of struggles, a lot of unanswerables, I just need prayer!!!

Splash Universe

So, I knew I wanted to do something w/the boys this weekend. It's been so long since we've gotten away. So Thursday night around 9:30 I cordinated w/my family to go away last night to Splash Universe in Shipshewana. So last night as soon as I got out of work, we loaded up the boys, and my mom, my sister Charity and myself headed out. It was a fairly uneventful trip other than my brakes on my van are being fickle. Sometimes they choose to light up and sometimes not. That of course started Thursday night, and I wasn't told about it till Friday at work by my co-worker who had followed me out of work. So, I'll have to have Brian look that over this weekend, but we made it there safe and sound.

I wasn't sure if we'd be able to use our passes that night or how late the park would be open, but we were allowed and it was open till 10 giving us 1hr of swim time. Charity and I took the boys while my mom relaxed back in the room. At first Asher didn't want to do much but we did finally get him to go down the tubes w/us. He was SO CUTE! He absolutely loved it, but he had to cover his eyes...lol They were tired little people w/it being such a late night and swimming...




Today we woke up bright and early so we could get in swimming and shopping. My mom came w/to take pictures. Of course, then Asher wanted to do the park w/Mimi, and Mimi didn't wear her swim suit bc she was just planning on taking pictures. So it took us a while to get Asher back into the water park, but eventually he was having fun.



BEFORE we convinced him to swim w/out Mimi










Asher wouldn't look at the camera


Around 10:30 we went back to the room to give the boys a snack before having to check out of the room by 11:00. Asher didn't want to go back swimming so he went shopping w/Mimi for a bit, and Charity and I took J back to the park. We were there for about another hour and a half and then called it a day. We met my mom and Asher and went to lunch at the Blue Gate. I LOVE their food there! I for sure didn't stick w/in my sparkpeople guidelines this weekend..lol After lunch we went shopping. We found this fabric shop that had THE CUTEST fabrics EVER!!! I've never seen such cute fabrics. I mean, I could have bought some of almost everything in there, and the store was huge! The boys got to ride the carosel and had some candy and popcorn. I really was surprised that they didn't fall asleep on the ride home bc they were for sure tired! They were cranky while shopping, but not too bad. J didn't want to walk bc he was tired, but he's SO HEAVY to push. And, Asher wanted to walk but was touching everything, so we made him ride. All in all, we all had a lot of fun! Might even do it again soon which I know the boys would love :)

Shortly after I got back, I met up w/Miss Theresa, my friend Christine (both co-workers) and Christine's SO Kenni. We went to Firekeepers just to check it out. We'd been hearing all sorts of things from people, and well, curiousity killed the cat :) I lost $40, $20 mine and $20 Miss Theresa's. It just wasn't my night :( But my good friend Christine was on fire w/the $20 Miss Theresa gave her and shared $20 of her winnings w/me. So, I walked away w/out winning and while I lost, walked away w/exactly what I walked in with.

Afterwards we went to Don Pablos for dinner. I'd been there once before and had really enjoyed the food. So since we weren't too far away, we all liked it, and we don't go there very often, we decided to head there for dinner. The food was good, but the company was better! We had a lot of fun, and closed down the restaurant just talking.

Not sure what the boys and I will do on Monday, but I think even if we just sit at home and do nothing, that we had a great weekend already!!

testing & packing

So, last year J's teachers told us that he's not where he needs to be developmentally. We of course attributed a lot of it to his eye issues and ear issues and decided to wait till we got those out of the way. But when we went to the eye specialist, they told us it shouldn't be affecting his vision that significantly. So, we or maybe I decided to follow up and schedule testing. And, I figured while I was at it, I'd have Asher tested for his speach as well. He does good w/speaking but has a stuttering issue. It's not that he can't get the whole word out, it's like he can't get past the word and on to the next. So, the week of the 20th both boys will be tested. They'll do an initial 1.5hr test for each, and we'll go from there. While I pray that it's nothing major, I want to be proactive on this while they're young so that hopefully we can work through it before they start school. Which for J is NEXT YEAR!!! My baby will be in preschool :( It doesn't seem possible.....

And, I'm packing because I'm taking the boys away this weekend for a mini-vaca at the water park in Shipshewana. Between me working all the time and being short on money, we haven't really been able to do anything in a while. And next week they both start preschool. I just thought it was a perfect time w/the 3day wkend to go do something fun. I had a little money stashed away for a rainy day and decided what the heck. I called and got my sister's to come along for support and got my mom to come too because I knew she'd been wanting to go to Shipshewana anyways. the boys are super excited, and I must say so am I!! We'll leave tomorrow as soon as I get out of work (which of course won't be able to come soon enough), and we'll come back tomorrow night. Praying for a safe ride and a great time w/my family!!!

wanting

So today has been a day full of wants and then rejection. One of the girls that used to work at my office came in to show her little girl Emma off, and she's SO CUTE! I want a little girl SO BAD. I know I should be happy that I have two healthy little boys, but I can't help myself. On one hand, I know I'm not in any position to be having another baby being that I'm a single mom. But then the other part of me says if I had $1000 to spend, why not impregnate myself and have another one. Really, what's one more? I know crazy talk, but still thoughts that go through my head. And it doesn't help that when I walk past a mirror I look like I'm 3months preggo simply because I've gained weight for no apparent reason that I can't lose to save my life. I've start exercising which I NEVER do, and I've been drinking water which I HATE. My doctor says it's stress, and that she's honestly surprised I don't weigh more w/everything I've dealt w/over the past couple years. But, sadly, that doesn't make me feel any better about anything!

Then there's work. I wanted SO BAD to get off nights and work days. I deserve it, right? I've worked nights since I went back after having Asher because I'm always the one to work around daycare needs of the boys. But I HATE working nights! I hate that I really only see my boys when putting them to bed at nights and long enough to feed them breakfast in the mornings. I hate not being able to have any social life because I work till 9 at nights. Of course, I realize that being a single mom puts a cramp on my social life as it is but my work schedule only increases it. And, I realize I should be thankful that 1. I even HAVE a job and 2. that my job is very flexible w/me and my needs, but still....
Then there's my van. It has so many quirks. I really thought getting a newer vehicle would help solve all the mechanical issues I'd been having, but nope. I mean none of them are major. The van still drives great. The a/c works which is HUGE for me. It's not falling apart. It's just annoying little things that on a day like today just get to you.
And of course, there's more but I think I've whined enough for today. I guess today someone should tell me to be thankful for what I have been given and stop being so ungrateful. I know God has provided for me, and even when He closes doors, that He has other plans for me. Just days like today get to me. I'll stop whining now and cuddle up to my youngest. Blessings to all!

HELP!

I seriously think I'm raising the devil child, and I'm at the end of my rope! Asher has always been an unhappy child.

He was colicky for the first 6mos of his life. We wondered if he'd ever grow out of the screaming 24-7. There were many times I wanted to literally put him on the side of the road for someone to come get. And, I know that sounds aweful, but when you have such a miserable child, it does cross your mind.

And now, while he's still pretty miserable, he's also just naughty. He doesn't care about anything or anyone, just does what he wants. I've tried time outs, spanking, taking his favorite blanket away, and now I'm even doing a chart where he can earn prizes. Or for instance, he's still trying to earn back tv which he hasn't had in 2wks now. I just don't know what to do w/him! He sometimes gets in trouble at preschool because he knows really there's nothing they can do about it. I mean, I'm afraid he'll get kicked out if he keeps it up! I don't give in to him, he's definitely grown up hearing the word no, he's not spoiled. What am I doing wrong?!?

I refuse to have spoiled brats as kids who never hear the word no and throw tantrums when they don't get their way. I've seen that, and not only does it annoy the crap out of me, but I also know those parent's are going to have a LOT of trouble on their hands when those kids get older. Because if they're that bad as a kid and you do nothing, they'll only get worse. And I'm not one of those parent's that live by the "kids should be seen and not heard" theory either. I realize my kids are 3 & 4, that they're going to have energy and get into trouble, but that doesn't mean there can't be some discipline. I'm not trying to create him into the perfect angel child who says the right things, cries on cue, and never speaks out of turn. I've seen that too, and it might be even worse than dealing w/Asher as he is now bc it's just a show and not real. I want him to be real and be allowed to express himself, but I want to get through to him what is and is not appropriate. And how do you do that when nothing seems to work??? Any ideas out there, please!?!?