trust

Trust is something I'm struggling w/these days. At first, I didn't think I had a problem. But the more time that passes, the more I find myself waiting for the floor to fall out from underneith of me and for what I've known from previous experiences to become true in my present experience. My head tells me that it's not fair to act upon my assumptions of what I feel might be when I haven't been given any reason to believe that it would be. But, how do I train my heart?

I forgot

I FINALLY got my first child support check. The state finally got it's stuff together and in order!! I chewed the lady out at the office bc before they decided to step in and "help out" I WAS getting my child support. Not until they stuck their noses into everything did I miss almost a month's worth of pymts. But I am thankful that it's coming again.
Also, got my taxes figured out. After seeing what benefitted who the most, I think they're finally ready to be filed...YAY!!! I do need to readjust so that I get more of that money back during the year vs waiting for a refund at the end of the year. But, not having earned income in over a year, I wasn't sure where I needed my exemptions to be at. Now that I know, I can do some adjusting to hopefully help out throughout the year more!

Possible Solution

My sister told me today that she would be interested in taking Blake. So, if I get rid of him, which I probably will, I atleast know he has a good home to go to. Plus, the kids will still be able to see him. I know the kids will miss him, and they'll probably want another dog. And, I'll get them another dog WHEN they're older and able to have the responsibility for a dog. Or, when I have more time to deal w/a dog.

anyone want a dog??

I'm beginning to come to my wits end w/my dog, Blake. When Shaun 1st moved out, I got rid of the one dog we had left, Hercules, bc Hercules and I did NOT get along. He was Shaun's dog, not mine, so I found him a good home. Then the boys realized that the dog was gone, and they were upset. So, I decided to get another dog, a cute little puppy named Blake.

But, as with everything, he didn't stay small. He has grown into a full size black lab/german shepherd. I like having him around not only for the kids, but also for my peace of mind. When I was pregnant w/Jaden, we had someone try to break into our house. My sister happened to be sleeping out in the livingroom, they saw her, and they left, after breaking into our explorer. But luckily, nothing was stolen and no damage was really done. But, from that point on, my peace of mind has been wrecked. I know the odds are lower for break-ins if there is a dog to deter them away. Being a single mom, home alone at nights w/2 babies, I like my odds being as low as possible!
But, Blake is destroying my backyard when he's loose, and I seriously am afraid he's going to break my bedroom window one of these days bc he jumps on it trying to get my attention. But peole think it's inhumane when I keep him in the back w/his dog house on a leash. I just don't know what to do w/him!
Currently, he's back on his leash. I'd rather have people thinking bad thoughts than a broken window in the middle of winter. And, I'm not sure I'm ready to give him up yet for security reasons, but I do feel that eventually, probably sometime soon if I end up going through w/it, Blake will also be finding a new home too :(

missing

I miss my babies! Shaun took the week off bc of Jaden's surgery, so that he could be there, which was nice. And, while having pretty much a whole week off from them has been a nice break, I MISS my babies!!! They will be back this afternoon, but I have to take them straight to Mimi's bc I have to work till 9P :( And, I work 9-5 tomorrow too *tears* We'll have Sunday together, and then they'll be off again to their daddy's. This week has kinda felt like I didn't have any kids bc of all the freedom I've had, but no matter how many times they drive me to insanity, I wouldn't trade having them in my life for anything in the world!!!