dilema

So, I almost have everything I need to file my taxes. I'm just waiting on 1 W2 which shouldn't make that big of a difference one way or the other on what I'm getting back. I've already made up my mind that I'm getting a new vehicle. My car is at the point where it's starting to nickle and dime me, and I can't keep up w/it and don't want to keep up w/it. It was bought simply to get me through the year, which it did. I need a bigger vehicle. So here's my dilema.
Do I buy a nice vehicle that will actually last more than a year b4 I have to start putting every extra penny I have into it or do I buy another vehicle that will last the year and pay off my one CC.
Dave Ramsey, who I do love, would say pay off the debt and save the money you were spending for the better vehicle. But, here's why I'm not sure I want to go that route. My credit is screwed. Paying off one CC isn't going to make any difference at all. Not to mention that my debt to income ratio is off the charts bc the house is still in my name and will be in my name for at least another year unless God grants a miracle and it sells. To me, it seems almost pointless to pay off the one CC when I know it's not going to make a difference. It would be nice to own a vehicle that I felt comfortable enough to drive more than an hour away from home...
Praying for peace about a decision.

2wks

Sorry I haven't blogged in forever. This whole week has been so hectic, I still don't know what to do w/it all! Well, I officially made it 2wks, but that's where the Daniel's fast ends. I can't say it ended for good reasons, nor can I say those reasons led to good results. You'd think by now I would have lived and learned enough to have foreseen some of that, but nope. I'm glad I did it, wished I'd gone farther, but grateful for what God taught or revealed to me during that time. Continue to pray that I will allow God to direct my life in '09.

for the record

I wanted to make this a new blog so that nobody misses it. It has come to my attention that my last blog came off as if I didn't love my relationships, just were in them for fear. Let me clarify, I loved both Shaun and Brian. Fear would not have been enough to make me marry Shaun. I did also have the hope that the red flags would get better, and I married him on that basis BECAUSE I loved him. As for Brian, I gave him the analogy that he's my addiction. Again, something (or someone) that I love, but not good for me. Just bc something isn't good or right, doesn't mean you can't love it. And just bc I stayed out of fear, doesn't mean that there wasn't love as another force right beside it. I didn't think people would really have to question rather or not I loved Shaun, even though I was married to him for 6yrs.

Days 10 & 11

Sunday didn't start out so great. I had the car started and cleaned off, got the boys dressed and out the door for church, only to find that Shaun didn't leave me Jaden's carseat. Luckily, my sister was coming to church w/me, so I asked her to pick up his extra one that we leave at my parent's. We missed all of the worship :( but at least me made it. And, w/the roads being so bad and w/running so far behind, I didn't even have time to think about donuts as I drove right past it. I went bowling w/a friend, and out to eat afterwards. I will admit, I think a few things weren't on the list of approved, but it's not like I was eating steak and chocolate cake. For me, I was still denying myself and my desires which I think is the main point of the fast along w/growing closer to God in the process.
Today, has been good as well. Today though has been an eye opening day. Today I've learned that instead of letting God rule my life, I've been letting fear rule my life. Examples: I got good grades in HS for fear of not being good enough, not that it did me any good. I became bulimic for fear that I'd never have any friends if I wasn't the perfect weight, this too was in HS and really didn't do much good. I married shaun for fear of looking like a failure for calling off a wedding so close to happening. Yes, there were red flags that I ignored and in the long run, just made me look like an even bigger failure bc now I'm divorced which is a big sin in the Christian world. Even though God doesn't classify sins, the majority of the Christian world struggles w/it. Anyways, that is a whole nother soap box, back on subject. I stayed w/Brian for the fear of being alone w/no one to turn to. Brian was a lot of things that I wanted in a man, but while he came to church once a month out of "support", there's no way he really could have supported me in my faith. I was settling AGAIN, out of fear. Now, does this eye opening experience mean I'm cured? Nope, pretty sure it doesn't. But, I'm praying it's one step closer to being where I need to be and that God will lead from here to get me through the tough times! Weren't expecting all of that now were you? :)

Nine & Ten

Friday started w/Asher waking up, rubbing his eyes, and screaming at me that he can't see. I was just about to put clothes on and take him to the ER when he finally came too. Not sure what was up w/that, just praying we don't have a repeat. As for the day of fasting, it's gone the same as the whole week. Carol brought in some Arby's, and I about quit right then and there I was so tempted! But, I made it through yet another day.
Today has been fine. I'm not even hungry for anything right now. No cravings. I even took the boys to the mall, got them McDonalds, and I did great. Maybe things are looking up again....