HELP!

I seriously think I'm raising the devil child, and I'm at the end of my rope! Asher has always been an unhappy child.

He was colicky for the first 6mos of his life. We wondered if he'd ever grow out of the screaming 24-7. There were many times I wanted to literally put him on the side of the road for someone to come get. And, I know that sounds aweful, but when you have such a miserable child, it does cross your mind.

And now, while he's still pretty miserable, he's also just naughty. He doesn't care about anything or anyone, just does what he wants. I've tried time outs, spanking, taking his favorite blanket away, and now I'm even doing a chart where he can earn prizes. Or for instance, he's still trying to earn back tv which he hasn't had in 2wks now. I just don't know what to do w/him! He sometimes gets in trouble at preschool because he knows really there's nothing they can do about it. I mean, I'm afraid he'll get kicked out if he keeps it up! I don't give in to him, he's definitely grown up hearing the word no, he's not spoiled. What am I doing wrong?!?

I refuse to have spoiled brats as kids who never hear the word no and throw tantrums when they don't get their way. I've seen that, and not only does it annoy the crap out of me, but I also know those parent's are going to have a LOT of trouble on their hands when those kids get older. Because if they're that bad as a kid and you do nothing, they'll only get worse. And I'm not one of those parent's that live by the "kids should be seen and not heard" theory either. I realize my kids are 3 & 4, that they're going to have energy and get into trouble, but that doesn't mean there can't be some discipline. I'm not trying to create him into the perfect angel child who says the right things, cries on cue, and never speaks out of turn. I've seen that too, and it might be even worse than dealing w/Asher as he is now bc it's just a show and not real. I want him to be real and be allowed to express himself, but I want to get through to him what is and is not appropriate. And how do you do that when nothing seems to work??? Any ideas out there, please!?!?

it's time

In a coulple weeks, Shaun will move out of the house we bought together over 6yrs ago. I can't say I'm sad about it. Our neighbors on the one side weren't the best. They've burnt holes in our fence, thrown rocks at our dogs, spray painted the side of the house and egged the front of it. I was thankful to have moved out a year ago and will be happy to see the boys move out of it as well. Not to mention the toilet is aweful, and the sink is always clogged no matter what. Oh, and did I mention that it's SMALL! It was the perfect size when we moved in just the two of us, but add two boys, and you're like, what was I thinking?!? Lol. So today, we had a garage sale to get rid of all the junk we'd collected over the years, and we must have had a lot of junk too bc we did VERY well :) I feel bad about missing church, and I was looking forward to hearing Pastor Lee preach after him being gone for 3wks. This was very last notice, due to Shaun finally deciding where he wants to live and getting approved to move in so quickly. And I never have Saturdays off, and I didn't want to have the garage sale by myself. So since he already had today off, we just decided that today was the day to have it. And what a good day it turned out to be. I don't think I've ever made over $20 at a garage sale, but even after splitting the profits, buying dinner, and setting aside money for a new booster for Jaden, I walked away w/over triple that. I'm burnt but not complaining. The boys are exhausted and were filthy! They've since had baths which is where I'll be going soon (trying to get Asher to fall asleep first but that may not happen). Hope everyone had a great Sunday!

church today

here are the random things I learned today:

True confession = telling God the same thing He already sees

Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to the heart...so to change any relationship you first need to change your thoughts which will change your feelings and lead to a change of heart.

David wasn't a man after God's own heart bc he was perfect and never had bad thoughts but bc when he did have his many bad thoughts, he took them to God and allowed Him to work through them.

God knows what's best for us even if it means holding us down for the doctor to put a mean painful needle in our wound.

Eye Surgeon Appt

Jaden goes to see his eye surgeon on Thursday. I'm hoping we'll finally do something so that his vision doesn't get any worse. Hopefully when we get his hearing and vision under control, he'll be able to get on track developmentally. He's so cute though, he has a girlfriend at daycare. Today he told me he had a secret. He said "I love Taylor the most in the whole world!" He showed me how he picks her up and twirls her around. Even the teachers have told me that they both consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Mostly I think it's adorable, but one part of me says, really, my 4yr old wants to have a girlfriend at such a young age?!?

Asher is also doing well at daycare. I'd say he's officially potty trained now...WOO HOO. The only accidents he has now are if he doesn't aim correctly. He's also coming out of his shell a bit, actually a lot. Shaun and I were just commenting on how he used to be so shy and hate everything. And while he still isn't the most cheerful little person you've ever met, he's definitely not shy anymore. The kid knows no fear, and actually is starting to enjoy the outdoors which we NEVER thought would happen. We can't decide if he's going to be a nerd, class clown, goth, or playground bully.

The two of them can be tiresome due to their never ending energy supply, but they will always be the joys of my life!

my dad was sentenced

So my dad was officially charged w/4th degre child abuse for what he did to Jaden, and last Wednesday we went to court for his sentencing. He claims he's sorry though he failed to apologize the day it happened when Shaun picked them up, and has yet to try to apologize even through email which would be really the only other way since I'm still refusing to have contact w/him. Just being in the same room as him made me want to puke and run from the room! The thought that he could do that to me my whole life is one thing that I've been dealing for quite some time, but the fact that he could in turn do that to my child just hits me to my core. But, I was there in court and actually ended up sitting straight across from him bc I wanted him know that I'm still very serious about everything that happened. Shaun, of course, was there as well for the same reasons. The judge sentenced him to 18 months of probation during which time he'll pay a combined $700 in fees, he'll be drug tested, he'll continue w/counseling, and he'll have absolutely nothing to do w/Jaden.

Now, I will not lie and say I've found forgiveness in my heart for my dad because I haven't yet. But, this does make me sad. Out of both boys, I'd say Jaden and my dad were probably the closest bc Jaden liked going outside and working around the house w/dad. And now, Jaden wants nothing to do w/dad. He just randomly brings up how papa "spanked" him and how he never wants to go see him. And yes, we leave it at my dad "spanked" him bc he is young and maybe one day when he's older, he'll want to have a relationship w/my dad. And it's sad bc through all of this, we're pretty well isolated from my family. And while everyone except for Melanie's family have come to visit w/them since it happened, our whole routine has changed. They went from spending every Sunday w/the whole family and most evenings w/my moom and dad, to only seeing people here or there. It's sad how one person's choices can have consequences on such a wide level. Because even after I find forgiveness and even after the probation is up and even after the boys have gotten older, I'm not sure the trust level will ever be there, and I'm pretty sure the relationship will never be the same. Sad for everyone :(