The Boys are Away

Yesterday was the 1st time that I had to give my boys away to Shaun and let them go for the night. I did really good packing up their clothes and blankets. I even did okay while putting their carseats in the car. But, when I had to put them in their carseats and say goodbye, I just couldn't take it. I know they need to see and spend time w/their daddy. I know they need him in their lives, but I couldn't help but be upset w/him for taking away my babies from me. Shaun called last night to let the boys say goodnight, and they seemed to be doing well. Asher just kept saying "momma, momma" over and over into the phone. Jaden was also in good spirits. I'm sure they had fun playing at the little park at Shaun's apartments, and I'm sure they enjoyed having 2 whole days w/daddy all to themselves. It was a very emotional day yesterday for me though, and I am very much looking forward to tonight when I get off work and go home to see my babies!!

Working Out

I have been working out w/the Ab roller almost daily for a week or so now. I've also been doing hand weights to help tone my arms. And today, I added stomach crunches. My stomach is ALMOST flat. I think I'll always have a little bump, but I can live w/that. I'm actually starting to feel pretty good about the way I look! Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up :)

Resurrection Life Church

Well, I tried out Resurrection Life today, and I REALLY enjoyed it. I wasn't too into the songs at 1st, but the sermon was AWESOME. It was the beginning of a series. He preached on Genesis 1....creation. He preached about how evolution lessens the impact of creation. In evolution, everything was made the same way and nothing is special. If we weren't special when created, how are we to feel about our lives. But w/creation, God took the time to form us and breathe life into us.

He also pointed out how Adam wasn't made as a baby, but as at least a young adult, hence why some things can look millions of yrs old but not be. He also touched on abortion, and most pastors won't go there.

He also talked about why bad things happen. When God created us, we were put into a perfect place, but we CHOSE to eat the fruit and break the perfectness. Therefore, the bad things that don't seem to fit his character are a result of our choices. But, even though parts of the sermon might have sounded harsh, he preached that everything is forgivable, and how God wants us to turn to him so he can put us back the way we were originally created.

Sorry if it doesn't make complete sense, I'm trying to make sense of everything I took in today. I'm really glad I went and will probably go again. Hope everyone else had a GREAT Sunday!

More Bad News

You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours" ? Well, I feel like I've been in the rain for a VERY long time, and every once in a while, I'll think thing will clear, but then it only starts to rain harder.
My check engine light came on yesterday, so since I work at a mechanics, I had them take a look at it. Mike says to me, "your van is VERY sick". He said the reading he got, he's never even seen before. My transmission fluid, well, it's not fluid anymore. I say it for my own eyes, and it is nice burnt flakes. He's not even sure how or why my van is still running. On top of needing a new transmission, my struts are about to come through their tower. Now, if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't feel dumb. If they hadn't told me and shown me, I wouldn't have a clue either. Basically though, it sits right under neither my windshield, and when it goes, it will probably crack my windshield. Fixing both, is not only more money then I have, it also is more then my vehicle is worth.
So, now I don't know what to do. I can't afford my house w/a car pymt, and I can't afford my house w/out a car. See the problem???

Church Shopping

I am considering looking for another church or "church shopping". I've been going to the same church since '99, and to be honest, I don't feel very much apart of anything. I have my nursery, that I'm the director of. It's definitely where God has led me to minister, but that in and of itself is not enough.
I know people, and a lot of people know me. But, no one really KNOWS me, and I don't really KNOW any of them. Partly this could be my fault. I'm not extremely outgoing. People have offered for me to call and come over whenever, but I never call, just don't feel comforable doing so. It's nothing against anyone, it's just, I don't feel comfortable inviting myself to someone's house. I'd invite people to my house, but it's crowded already w/just my own. I have my 2 Bible studies which I very much enjoy going to, and actually hope to continue going to, but still don't have any deep connections.
Not to mention that my church really doesn't offer anything for me. They don't have progrems to help out struggling families. They really don't have any programs for people my age. There's no one to seek guidance or instruction or support from. My pastor's wife knows what's going on in my life, but I've never heard anything from them. Not that it would matter, bc I know my pastor's stance on everything that is going on in my life right now.
I feel lost, sadly, in a fairly small church. I wasn't for the church's new building. I haven't been happy w/a lot of the decisions my church has been making, but no one wants to go against what everyone else thinks is the thing to do. Let me just state though, that I was 1 of 2 votes. I think. against building the church...I did stand up for my beliefs.
Anyways, it's not an easy decision to make, and it's not one I'll do lightly. But, I do think it's something I need to explore. I will hate leaving my comfort zone. I will hate leaving all my babies, my family, and Lana. If my Bible studies don't let me stay, I will miss them! But, I really do feel this is something I have to do.